It is time for the auditions to end, and for the folks that made it through to Vegas to show us all why they should move on.
It started with an incredibly cornball introduction in which the judges played themselves up, sitting on a private jet, and trying to make America feel envious. Tell us, does David talk to the plane too? Have these people learned yet that you never ever talk DOWN to your audience? The judges are not hunks (any more) and they have no 40″ bust lines, so if they don’t have any talent, one has to question why we watch them. This is “America’s Got Talent”, and when the judges have no talent and apparently can’t find any, how can you believe the show?
So Piers says they have to get tough!! Wow. What were the auditions about? They passed through half of God’s creation at our expense so they could get tough NOW?
After spending the show’s money sending a bunch of farcical acts through to Vegas, they now eliminate them before they even have a chance to perform. Are these clowns serious? We could only go along with this if they let us vote out at least one judge. We are leaning towards Hasselhoff, but Piers is second. Oh crap, just get rid of them all.
Last week was the Jerry Springer Show, where they aired freak after freak, but this one was even worse. It challenged us throughout to understand what was going on as they played self-aggrandizing music and promoted the judges in place of the real stars. Could we please cut to Pamela Anderson? We need something with a higher intelligence and a bigger bust line here!!
They then created groups a to d and wiped out c. We are not sure who was in c; neither are you, but that was the unlucky letter of the day.
Why did you fly them to Vegas to eliminate them before they got to perform? That is stupid. They should have been voted out before this episode.
You know, the best part of Jerry’s show and the best part of this one, is that it reminds the people in America how stupid the media takes us for, and hopefully, it will cut that multi-million dollar paycheck the judges get for doing nothing but sitting and making stupid comments down to a more reasonable level (like zero). The judges would be better off trying their limited talents on “Last Comic Standing”!! Certainly, this show was a joke, so why not bring it to an appropriate audience?
After more filler, they tried a grouping of “extreme” acts, but they whipped through them faster than we could see, once again focusing on the ultimate freak show, the judges, rather than the performers.
The Concrete breaker makes the stage. He busts layers of concrete with his head, hands, feet; you name it. (No not that).
The next act, Dan Meyer, swallowed swords. He swallows a couple, including a crooked sword, proving his colon has a curve in it and manages to simultaneously complete his colonoscopy. Next!!
Now we get a Brittney Spears as a cross-dresser act. She would have fooled Crocodile Dundee, but not the audience. This was clearly no “Shirley”.
A Tina Turner impersonator that lip syncs and has bigger thighs than Conan the Barbarian performs next. Wow. Yup, that is worth a million bucks!!
And now an Elvis impersonator that gets nervous in front of the judges. He did OK, but the way the show was laid out from beginning to end, we have no idea whatsoever if he got through. It is like missing a line in a bad movie and never being able to recover. You don’t know what happened, but you really don’t care.
There was only one magician they showed, and what really ticked us off here was there were several that were great in past shows, and they only showed us one freak act. He tries to split a girl using a curtain to hide his “magic” only to have the curtain suddenly roll up exposing his entire trick. He then says it was planned. Why? To prove himself an idiot?
They went through several segments, and then played up the child sympathy acts. A contortionist and a break dancer kid that is broken period. Great. We have nothing against kids, but these are not million dollar talents, just interesting family distractions.
Some freak acts then broke out and we had to quit and made our run to the bathroom. You cannot, as a half way intelligent person, believe that this was a show worth airing.
So when we got back from relieving ourselves, they finally decide to vote. Oh joy.
They pass through every freak show except the guy that breaks concrete. Couldn’t they have killed a few birds with one stone and taken out the rest of the no talent freak shows like the Brittney impersonator? Please.
Tap Dancing Dads make it through, but we still don’t get to see their act. How stupid do these choreographers think the audience is? If we weren’t critiquing the show we would have shut it off half an hour earlier!! I guess this implies that we have to watch every show, or heaven forbid, we might miss 100 year old men tap dancing, because that is about the age they will be before the show actually airs one of their performances.
A few more freak acts go through and then some opera acts. We started to beg for the commercials!!!!!! Oh please, a Pepto Bismol commercial for relief!!!
Then, a real talent, Mia Bistron, a 15 year old that could wale and play the piano came on. She wowed us!!! Finally!!! Somebody that really does have talent!!
They later eliminated her in favor of the oh-so-cute children acts that could only moderately perform going after the audience for the child sympathy vote. How sad!!
The army guy comes on for a few more exploitations of last week’s performance to self-promote America’s Got Talent at the expense of America’s veterans just a bit more. They voted the guy through even though he stopped midway through his performance because he forgot the lyrics!!! I can’t even remember a whole song, but I am worth a million bucks? In the famous words of Homer Simpson, “D’oh”.
If you saved yourself the two hours and watched anything else, including even a ten year old “Murder She Wrote” you already saw ten times, it was better than this pathetic show. They have no one even close to Terry Fator this year, or they are concealing it showing filler to wait until the finales to surprise us. Our advice? Move on until the final. The lead up to the finals is just there to challenge your intelligence, and this show should go off the air after this season. It has just gotten stupid compared to all our other favorite reality shows, and has moved off the list. We will not review the shows anymore past this year’s final unless something dramatic happens, like they change the judges or actually find some talent.
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