9/03 Season 3: America’s Got Talent Is Decent Again, STOP THE PRESSES!!

W e had one error in last night’s picks. The baton twirler, Jonathan Berkin, got through over Matthew Piazzi. We were real close on those two having them both ranked at 7/10, but decided that impersonations were more likely to make an hour long Vegas act than baton twirling. We also think Jonathan needs to dress up his act. Not the batons, etc. Himself. He needs some pizzazz! But he got voted through.

So once again, we had four out of five.

Winners from Last Night:

1. Jonathan Berkin
2. Sarah Lenore
3. Joseph Hall
4. Taubl Family
5. Sickstep

Now for tonight’s performers:

1. The Dallas Desperados Dancers (5/10)

Just cheerleaders. Buzz by Piers. Then Sharon. Of course Hasselhoff wouldn’t buzz young women in skimpy outfits, but he should have. Lame choreography, bad even for an average high school cheerleader team.

Overall, *TGFFF.

2. Bryan Cheatham (5/10)

Chippendale that thinks he can sing. Super Corny Intro. Sang “You Are My Everything”. Kind of flat in parts. Buzz 1 Piers. Not good. Back to the Jock Strap tips for this guy. Sharon says, “Cut the crap.” To get voted on, he would have to cheat ’em.

3. Flambeaux (5/10)

Fire Eater. Starts off cool. Then drags a bit and gets a buzz by Sharon, then Piers.
Audience booing. Overall, pretty dumb. Three buzzes.

4. Kaitlyn Maher (6/10)

4 year old mostly Child Sympathy Act. “I feel wike a big pwincess”. Sang “What a Wonderful World”. Off key, but majorly cute. So, if you vote for singing and karaoke, she is a 2, if you vote cute, she is a an 8. Audience goes nuts. Judges play up to her pathetically. Even Jerry takes advantage of the schmoozing.

5. Dorae Saunders (3/10)

Cheap Lip Sync Act Female Impersonator trying to look like Tina Turner. More proof that this is just a freak show by bringing on the third transvestite or transexual act in the top 40! We don’t think Kaitlyn was a transvestite, but you never know at her age. So it could be four! He does Disco Inferno. Piers buzzed early, the others didn’t buzz at all. They all should have. Pathetic lip sync. Sharon says she loves her. Oh brother. “Only in America can a transsexual play it live to 20 million people and pull it off”, exclaimed Hasselhoff. Well, David, we are not sure what she was pulling off, but it wasn’t this act. But we are certain she (it) can perform for you and pull it off.

6. Donald Braswell (7/10)

Big Sob Story after getting to come back as the Wild Card. America supposedly picked him, so let’s hear it. “To Dream The Impossible Dream”. Strong voice, good fake tan, we would not pay for him, but he was good and on key. Standing O. But Sharon hit it. The shows like Lawrence Welk aren’t on anymore and they are likely the only forum where Donald would be relevant. We have a job for him, he would make a great puppet for Terry Fator!!

7. Indiggo Twins (4/10)

Cute gals, that do a kinky dance act and sing. Hasselhoff says they are like vampires. We will see if they suck. Buzz right away by Piers. What else is new. Audience is booing within seconds. We know Hasselhoff will never buzz gals in skimpy outfits no matter how bad they are. But Hasselhoff was right about the vampire thing, they suck.

8. Tapping Dads (7/10)

Finally, these guys will get to do their act. They have hidden this act for weeks. Piers does not like them. Starts good. Nice sync. Good choreography. Buzz by Piers. But the audience disagrees and loves them. If the cameras would stay on the act, we could better judge them, but we liked them. Fun stuff. Piers is an idiot. Sharon saw it and tried to throttle him.

9. Eli Mattson (9/10)

Piano Player singer. Gets a one point deduction automatically for belonging on American Idol if he is indeed any good. Has a style similar to Marc Kohn. In fact, Eli did one of Marc’s songs last week. His Piano is good, his voice on key, and he has it all. Right on point. Guy is great. He would have a shot on Idol. Standing O.

Eli’s Version of Walking on Memphis.

10. Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)

Two guys that play the violin. Starts off good. Fun stuff. Building violin play, kind of intense, kind of corny. Piers says they are the favorite act in the competition. They are quite good, although a very odd act.

OK, the picks for us are pretty easy. The talent was totally evident.
1. Eli Mattson
2. Nuttin But Stringz
3. Tapping Dads
4. Donald Braswell
5. Kaitlyn Maher

We don’t need to play the child sympathy game this week, because the child sympathy act actually made it in by a hair into our top 5 because the bottom five acts were so horrible. But she will be out next week.

Eli has greatness built into his voice. Get him on Idol!!

*TGFFF: Thank gad for fast forward