There you have it, the final five.Bear in mind that not one of these talents is a long term nightly Vegas act except maybe Nuttin But Stringz with a bunch of help.Four out of the five are singers.Dull.This is now, other than NBS, just a singing contest.Sad really with the variety of talents they had on this show, and another reason why we think they should not have singers on the show or at least limit them somehow.This is going to be an amateur American Idol.
But at least the folks that were eliminated this week pretty much made sense, especially the child acts.They weren’t good last night and it would have been a shame to keep them and, Jessica really had to go.
All that said, here is our expected order of the talent
2.Nuttin But Stringz
3.Neil E. Boyd
We expect Eli or NBS to win.We think Queen Emily does not belong on the list, but Donald is boring, so he may not as well.But it doesn’t matter, there is one winner, our money is on Eli.
You could have missed the first 15 minutes and missed nothing.
1. Paul Salos led off. He did New York, New York. He fouled up some parts. He really didn’t sound totally like Frank, but he was pretty good. Then he forgot the words, and had a reasonable finish, but nothing fantastic. Piers actually buzzed him.
2. Kaitlyn Maher was next, and she appeared, with commercials and filler, 8 full minutes after Paul. Bearing in mind these are two minute acts, that says what this show really is. It has become America’s got Ads. At Any rate, Kaitlyn did Call My Name (I’ll Be There), was real cute, her voice was cracking, she was really not good at all. But she has the cute going. If cute is worth a million bucks, she is worth a million. Talent-wise, not much. Other than Piers, they all pandered to her. We thought *TGFFF.
3. It was a full 7 minutes from the time the judges shut up until Donald Braswell came on. He did his usual show tune style music, Broadway style. We would tell you how well he did, but we fell asleep, but we knew we would have plenty of time for a nap given the 7 minute gap between the acts. He was done in 2 minutes. He has a strong voice and could do a Broadway show. He is just so boring.
4. This time, with filler and fluff, it was again 7 minutes before Jessica Price took the stage. She still sounds like a frightened little mouse when she sings. The song is nice, and she has it going OK, but she wouldn’t get to the final 20 in Idol. She had the chorus down nice, and she has a very sexy appeal so someone could make her popular, but it couldn never be purely based on her voice. And she would have to cut a CD first of studio promoted music before anyone would pay to see her on stage.
5. The time, between the commercials, fluff and the next act was, you guessed it, 7 minutes. Joseph Hall started rising in smoke and sang “Satisfy Me”, by, who else, Elvis. He actually had the Elvis act down better this week. He had the stage moves down and seemed comfortable performing them. As before, though, when he hits the real hard notes, he ain’t Elvis, but he is entertaining and the ladies are crazed about him.
6. 7 more minutes… Neil E. Boyd began. He did “All By Myself”. Going for the powerful chorus, but the slow parts were a bit harsh to listen to. The chorus did not show off his powerful voice as well as it could, but he did take the opportunity to hit a few power notes and had a strong finale. We like him, but find him boring like Donald Braswell. But we are pulling for him because he really could use the money for donuts.
7. 8 minutes of commercials and fluff to the Wright Kids. The kids started with another kids tune. “ABC”. Lead was flat for the first verse. Chorus OK, but clearly not Jackson Five Quality. The performance had no energyand was very boring. Poorly done. We thought they had it going last week. They lost it this week, and it was not the time to lose it.
8. They only got to 6 minutes wasted before they brought on Queen Emily. We were impressed. With the gap, not Emily, only 6 minutes, wow!! She sang “You’re Going To Love Me”. She pushed it and was driving a bit too hard, yelling at times. We know the lady can wale, and she was better than she was last week, but she is not at the same level of talent as the women she imitates and she was trying too hard. We think she is entertaining, but wouldn’t pay to see her. Still, she will likely make the top 5 given the screw up eliminations from last week.
9. Six more minutes and it was time for Nuttin But Stringz. We really like this duo, and we were expecting them to deliver huge. They started off with a marching drum sort of group to build things up. We still cannot place what it is that is entertaining about them. They did have to bring in more fluff like gals hanging from scarfs and swinging from the rafters, but that is typical Vegas stuff. By the time they were done, these guys had their bow strings all shredded. We did not like them as much as last week, but we liked them bunch none the less.
10. Seven minutes to Eli Mattson. He did an Elton Song “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”. He should be a cinch for the final, but he needs to bring it big next week. This week he was a tad on the boring side.
If you do not have a DVR and you like this show, get one. We watched a two hour show that had 20 minutes of performance in it. That left 1 hour and fourty minutes of filler, most of it painful commercials and fluff of approximately 7 minutes between each act. TGFFF is worth every penny, even if you just get to skip Jerry.
Our contestant order and scores:
1. Eli Mattson (8/10)
2. Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)
3. Neil E. Boyd (8/10)
4. Queen Emily (7/10)
5. Joseph Hall (7/10)
6. Paul Salos (7/10)
7. Donald Braswell (7/10)
8. Jessica Price (6/10)
9. Wright Kids (6/10)
10. Kaitlyn Maher (6/10)
Our definite eliminations this week are the child acts. This week, for them to get to the finals, they would have to get major child sympathy. Neither act was good.
Jessica should not be here and lucked out last week getting cast on the first night when the talent was so very weak. She is pretty, but she is just really not that good. Maybe she could be better in a studio and with singing training. She doesn’t have a horrible voice, but she isn’t at Eli’s, Neil’s or even Emily’s level. But she has a look that could be played up if she found her niche. Maybe she could even step into Idol after a year of singing lessons.
Our definite winners this week are Eli Mattson, Nuttin But Stringz and Neil E. Boyd. All performed up to par and all deserve a berth in the finals, even though we think none could do an hour long Vegas act day after day.
The most talented of the remaining three is Donald Braswell. He could do Broadway, but he is a tad old for that and we wouldn’t pay to see just him sing. Joseph Hall does a mean Elvis, but he doesn’t sing extremely well. But man oh man does he get the girls going. Paul Salos does a pretty good impersonation of Frank. And we could picture him as a background act in Vegas. It is a shame they displaced such great talent last week due to the poor format, or we wouldn’t have such a poor group of finalists to choose from.
Hmmm. We are going to cop out and let you choose. Vote for your favorite among our bottom three.
1. Paul Salos
2. Joseph Hall
3. Donald Braswell
4. Other (you think one of our eliminations belongs in the finals)
The show started with the greatest new act we have seen period. Terry Fator!! He brought on our favorite turtle to sing for Sharon. Winston did a great Marvin Gaye tune. No one knows how Terry does this. He sings better than some we have seen on American Idol, without moving his lips and through a puppet.
Terry then brought out Maynard Thomkins, an Elvis impersonator which was specifically related to the later talent, Joseph Hall, that actually does his own Elvis impersonation. You know, Terry can do anybody. He can impersonate Frank, Elvis, even the great Roy Orbison and have you feeling his puppet is an awesome singer. We may be able to eliminate all other acts on this show and just make them into Terry Fator puppets. Great performance Terry. 100 million bucks? It wasn’t enough.
No we would like to explain our title. You should be your own judge on this show because the judges are all useless. Piers is a pompous Simon Cowell wannabe that should just be discarded as the buffoon he truly is. Sharon has an edge, but brings little to the show. And Hasselhoff should go back to talking to cars. Jerry, most of all, is a waste of air time. So, you can save huge amounts of time watching the acts without listening to the judges at all. And the show is infinitely better!! Be your own judge.
Act 1: Sick Step (8/10)
When we were in Boston this past week-end we saw some break dancers at Quincy Market. They were all pretty good, and it was fun, but you can see the difference with Sick Step. They are pros, well choreographed and fun. The synchronization was great and each dancer seems to bring a strength. None are just filler. They are as good as some of the So You Think you can Dance Breakers, and we genuinely love them.
Act 2: Donald Braswell (7/10)
OK, this guy can sing huge. His voice is spectacular, but what comes to mind as he performs is his name should be Donald Boresustohell. The music is totally yesterday. But he has a niche. He could perform on Broadway or in a Broadway show and kill it. He did a Phantom of the Opera song and it was spectacular. We just find him boring and think America will as well, fake tan or no.
Act 3: Joseph Hall (8/10)
Joseph is an Elvis impersonator. In this show, he had some classic Elvis style and moves. He also had the song down fairly well, Suspicious Minds. But he doesn’t have the voice on the power notes. But he has every girl in the audience standing or on their knees screaming for him.
His tan actually looks real and his chest shaved. He gets a point just for his looks. Women will love this guy and he is a draw. But in comparison to Maynard Thomkins, we don’t think he is that much better talent wise. Tough call.
Act 4: Taubl Family (6/10)
New Title, the In Trouble Family. The women came on and sang. The lead was good, but the harmonies were awful early. As the boys came in, they were strong again, and the boys were the stars last week that pulled it off for them, but you know what? They lost. Next.
Act 5: Sarah Lenore (8/10)
This gal belongs on Idol. She has the talent and look to pull it off. She may not win, but she could give most Idol’s a run for their money. She chose a ridiculously popular song to sing. She chose “Bleeding Love”, by Leona Lewis. And as we mentioned last night, that gets you compared to the original, and that makes it real tough to judge. But we loved it. She made it her own, put on a “live” performance of the song and was fantastic. Sara is beautiful and a hot performer. She can definitely be a star.
Act 6: Nuttin But Stringz (9/10)
OK, you just have to see these guys. They are great. It seems simple. A couple of violins and some dance moves and overall, it just seems like a losing act. Then you watch it, and you take them to the top. They draw you in and up. We have no idea what it is. We have heard better violin. We have seen better dancing. We have seen better choreography. We haven’t seen a better act (except Terry).
Act 7: Kaitlyn Maher (7/10)
This act is difficult for us, and we are sure it is difficult for America. The girl is incredibly cute, but that isn’t a reason to vote for her; well it is, but it would have to be purely for child sympathy. But Kaitlyn has something else. She is 4 and remembers every word of difficult songs. She walks and waves in this way that is so cute you know it is practiced, and she pulls it off wonderfully. Even more stunning is she hits every verse with perfect timing. This is something many professionals fail at. Her only failure is also in her youth. We cannot compare her talent to that of adults. If this was America’s Got Talent for Children, she would win. But how can we give her the same ranking as someone like Sarah Lenore? We just can’t. We are not sure if America will, but we wouldn’t feel too bad if she made the finals.
Act 8: Tapping Dads (8/10)
Wow, these guys really brought it tonight. Great choreography, fantastic showmanship. We could see them on Vegas. They know who the star is, and they know how to play off him. Their synchronization, perfect. We raised them a point watching them again. We had them going home this week, but now we are not so sure. They hit it and they deserve a berth in the finals, but so do so many others!!
Act 9: Eli Mattson (9/10)
Eli had a couple of mild intonation problems at the beginning, but the piano was great and he killed the verse. He picked a very difficult song by Alicia Keys. “If I Ain’t Got You”.
We liked his version better. He loses one point because he belongs on Idol. But then again, his piano is killer so maybe his diversity says he belongs here. Eli will have a CD out soon, we can feel it.
Some people want it all Eli. Some people just have it all. Congrats guy.
Act 10: Jonathan Burkin (9/10)
Baton Twirler Wizard. (Performed to “Pinball Wizard”). Jonathan brings together a world of talent. At first you see a guy twirling batons, and you think it is kind of corny, but really, as you watch it closely, you get it. The guy is a massively talented juggler; he just uses batons. He is a gymnast, executing flips and complicated dance moves with aplomb while juggling. And the guy is a major showman, but he does it in jeans and a T-Shirt! Jonathan is a finalist. Period. If he drops the baton once, he is doomed, but he hasn’t yet.
1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Sarah Lenore
5. Tapping Dads
6. Joseph Hall
7. Sick Stuff
Not again. Another tie breaker. OK, 1-3 are golden. No removing them from the top 10. So who goes from the remaining 4? The acts from last night and tonight will be voted upon together, which confuses things even more. Going back to our review from last night, our only 9/10 act was Neil E Boyd. So, that picks 4/10 from the two nights for us.
1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Neil Boyd
Leaving 6 more, and we have so many that were so very close. Here are our remaining picks for the top 10.
5. Sarah Lenore
6. Joseph Hall
7. The Wright Kids
8. Extreme Dance FX
9. Tapping Dads
10. Sick Step
We should start by saying we loved this show the first year through last. It has found some real talent, brought us a number of diverse acts, and entertained us week after week. We are hoping this year is an anomaly in what has been a consistent winner, but has now become the Jerry Springer freak show.
We would like to see Jerry go as the host. It is hard to take him seriously given his background. All we can think of when we see him is his own personal freak show, in which the typical episode stars two fat women duking it out over the an ugly guy that is cheating on them both with sheep.
The judges we can give some slack. We think the show could stand to get someone with actual talent to be a judge, but in reality, that is not necessary. All of us can recognize talent, so they should be able to do the job. Right?
The show begins informing the audience that there were over 100 acts passed through to Vegas!! They missed the point. Of the 100, least 60 of them were no-talents that did not belong here in the first place.
It is not easy to be a judge on this show, because it is not easy to pick the winner (but the viewing audience does that); that is challenging. It is, however, extremely easy to pick out those that could compete for a chance at performing 45 minutes or more day after day in Las Vegas. They try to make the trivial seem difficult, and it is totally disingenuous.
We have decided we are likely to cut this show if it does not improve big time. It is not sincere and most of what they discover and play up is garbage. It is much more beneficial to our audience if we spend time on genuine reality shows, and will likely spend our time focusing our future articles on the Olympics, the American Idols and other reality that is genuine, not Jerry Springer farces.
Back to the show. They now tried to play up the Elvis impersonator, Joseph Hall. After the “should we pass him through” nonsense act, and a bunch of patronizing filler, they pass him through. How many commercials did that justify?
Is 90 minutes up yet, please????!!!! Nope, not yet. They emulate the audition climaxes in American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. They bring on the Chippendale singer, and play him up for all it is worth. And the decision is? Sharon says, “We are definitely giving you a place in our semi-final”. Why? We hear there are male strip joints in Hollywood, so if he doesn’t make it on this show, we know not all is lost. Sharon made sure she got his phone number as she slipped a twenty into his trousers.
It is time to play up the child acts, which is pathetic exploitation of children. And they send a mediocre child singer to Hollywood that has no prayer of winning. They all cuddle up with her as though she is their granddaughter. Pathetic. But they gave her tokens for the slots and black jack in Vegas, so that was cool!!
Now they whip through several acts and crush the dreams of folks that eat too many donuts!
Time for two twin sisters, “Indigo”! They come on wearing nearly nothing, and Hasselhoff eyes light up as usual. They get sent on to Hollywood, after Hasselhoff offers dinner to Sharon and Piers to see if he can bed the twins before they get sent packing.
Now it is time for the sympathy acts. They have elderly and more children crying before the commercial. OK, we are all set for the tears. We are crying already from enduring this show!! So why shouldn’t the children cry too?
“It is my last chance” says a pouting Paul Salos. Sorry if we spelled it wrong, because this show cannot afford to use subtitles. It is his last chance!!! Of course it is, the guy is 74 years old!! We figure that Paul can get some great birthday performances to assist him in his retirement. “My wife loves me so much she put my picture on a stamp”. Yeah, that costs about two bucks these days, but that is about what your act is worth!! They let him through, but it wasn’t because of talent. More sympathy votes.
They then send a couple of obligatory pathetic child acts through to Hollywood to play on the audience’s heartstrings. We are getting sick of this show taking advantage of children and the elderly to try and make their show seem sympathetic, while collecting millions in commercial revenues. Find us talent. As Hasselhoff says about two times a show, “THAT IS WHAT THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT!!!”. If this show just focused on the target, they would get there!! Last year was great, they did their jobs. This year, they are not!!
So now, the writers figure, let’s play up the Iraq angle again. The soldier performed last week and forgot the words, but this show hasn’t exploited him enough just yet. The minimal talent soldier gets sent to Hollywood, How can the show vote through someone that has no real talent, cannot win, and cannot even remember the words to a song? We get it now, talent does not matter. Just go to Iraq or get some other angle that the show can exploit, and you get to the finals!!! Talent is irrelevant. We suggest that become the new title of the show!!! “Talent Is Irrelevant”. What do you think?
They then work through a bunch of acts we cannot cover. We are sorry, they did it so fast, that if they were even half way decent, they could have spent five minutes on them instead of so much time on the self-aggrandizing judges.
They still haven’t gotten it yet. Our readers are disgusted with how misogynistic these judges are. We want talent. They are not it!! Try and convince us what you have found is worth 20 minutes of consecutive commercials!!
Queen Emily gets a cameo that is long enough for us to actually catch her name. “I have waited for this moment for over 25 years!” Folks, the woman is 40 years old. Her dream of a diet probably started long after age 15. The judges put her through, and played up the nonsense through a commercial set before they did so. Could they be any more condescending towards the audience?
So they patronize us some more passing through a few more token performers to Hollywood, making us all feel how kind and loving the judges are. In the next ten minutes, they whip through act after act, and they quickly eliminate people that should never have passed the original audition in the first place. They break to more commercials playing to your emotions, or stupidity, as you are convinced to buy a new car or a specific brand of toothpaste.
They did eventually turn to the Brittney transvestite. Jerry paid to get her through to the finals and plans a future show with her, uh him, uh it, acting as the mistress to two fat guys both married to the same hooker. Her jockstrap was shining, and we are sure Jerry was proud. She said “All they have to do is put their mind to it” as she caressed her Cubic Zirconia dog collar. Wow.
We just had to stop. There was no talent on this show. The judges were pathetic, the show was worse. It was all a play on the heartstrings of America, but there was no Terry Fator in this crowd. We said to watch the final, don’t bother. Watch the Olympics. That is reality television. This is a joke.