Tonight, AGT was better than usual thanks to President Bush. AGT compacted the show and reduced the commercial count because the President had used up a ton of time to tell us how badly the economy is doing and how they want a scant 700 billion bucks to save the day. How did it happen? We don’t know, but we aren’t thinking too many people would vote for Bush in this competition.
We were grateful for the result though. AGT was short, compact, tight, quick and entertaining. Normally it would have been so drawn out, and it was so much better with the judges being quick and Jerry talking much less, awesome.
Now the acts.
Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)
As usual, very dynamic with tons of energy, and, with help, the only act that could do a Vegas performance someone might pay for long term. The audience loved it. The judges stood for the ovation. An amazing performance after which it took a while to calm the audience. Their biggest problem. They went first. That is a very tough slot to win when the voters can’t vote until the end of the show. We didn’t give them the highest score because they are depending more and more on hired hands. Other dancers and performers to enhance their performance. We suppose that is normal for Vegas, but for us it cheapens the act.
Donald Braswell (6/10)
“You Raise Me Up” after I have fallen asleep listening to you. Donald sings “nice”, We could see him doing the national anthem nationwide, I could see him doing Broadway, We could see him doing anything but a concert weekly in Vegas that anyone would want to see. Sorry Donald. You sing great. Honest. But the judges even looked asleep at the end.
Neil E. Boyd (8/10)
They cleared the stage for Neil. They had to because he wouldn’t fit on one stage otherwise. But the adjustment was something they would have to do for Queen Emily anyway. Neil has a hamburger eating competition next week if this doesn’t work out. He listened to the judges and did some incredibly boring opera. And you know, maybe if someone is looking for a real huge man to sing Opera, he will do fine. He has a quality voice and could perform in Opera just about anywhere, but he could not have his own show on Vegas. Maybe a permanent Opera show though, something that centered on him but was a much bigger show. That could work. But we are not sure enough America will recognize it, and they would need a massive stage to hold him and anyone else.
Eli Mattson (9/10)
Time for some Phil Collins, “Against All Odds”. Eli had a problem with tonight’s song, which has to do with a disappearing voice at the beginning and end of verses. We think it could be just be a proper microphone adjustment because of his style. Eli has a lot of inflection in his voice that leads to soft and louder moments that are part of his technique. But the microphone cannot be set flat or it doesn’t pick up his voice on the softer moments. Eli was great, but has one major problem; he is no Vegas act. So, what do you vote for? Talent or Vegas?
Queen Emily (6/10)
We said when we originally saw her, “It ain’t over until the fat lady sings”. Well, they are once again going to have Emily sing last. An advantage clearly, but so far, we haven’t thought much of her talent since her first week. She had a chance to choose a killer song, and chose a boring one. “One Moment In Time” is a classic, but it is boring and has to be driven by an incredible voice. Emily doesn’t have it. Back to donuts.
Here is our selection:
Eli was once again better than anyone on the stage. He needs a quality microphone, but overall, no one touches his creativity and talent.
A dark horse is Nuttin But Stringz, but they went first and by the end, America may forget to vote for them. We think they are the only unique act left so deserve the votes to at least be close with Eli even if they don’t win.
Neil was great, and if you could picture a long running Opera show on Vegas, Neil could pull it off as the center of that show, but it would have to be a large show. Very large.
Eli and Nuttin But Stringz are so close that it could go either way. We will leave it for you to pick.
There you have it, the final five.Bear in mind that not one of these talents is a long term nightly Vegas act except maybe Nuttin But Stringz with a bunch of help.Four out of the five are singers.Dull.This is now, other than NBS, just a singing contest.Sad really with the variety of talents they had on this show, and another reason why we think they should not have singers on the show or at least limit them somehow.This is going to be an amateur American Idol.
But at least the folks that were eliminated this week pretty much made sense, especially the child acts.They weren’t good last night and it would have been a shame to keep them and, Jessica really had to go.
All that said, here is our expected order of the talent
2.Nuttin But Stringz
3.Neil E. Boyd
We expect Eli or NBS to win.We think Queen Emily does not belong on the list, but Donald is boring, so he may not as well.But it doesn’t matter, there is one winner, our money is on Eli.
You could have missed the first 15 minutes and missed nothing.
1. Paul Salos led off. He did New York, New York. He fouled up some parts. He really didn’t sound totally like Frank, but he was pretty good. Then he forgot the words, and had a reasonable finish, but nothing fantastic. Piers actually buzzed him.
2. Kaitlyn Maher was next, and she appeared, with commercials and filler, 8 full minutes after Paul. Bearing in mind these are two minute acts, that says what this show really is. It has become America’s got Ads. At Any rate, Kaitlyn did Call My Name (I’ll Be There), was real cute, her voice was cracking, she was really not good at all. But she has the cute going. If cute is worth a million bucks, she is worth a million. Talent-wise, not much. Other than Piers, they all pandered to her. We thought *TGFFF.
3. It was a full 7 minutes from the time the judges shut up until Donald Braswell came on. He did his usual show tune style music, Broadway style. We would tell you how well he did, but we fell asleep, but we knew we would have plenty of time for a nap given the 7 minute gap between the acts. He was done in 2 minutes. He has a strong voice and could do a Broadway show. He is just so boring.
4. This time, with filler and fluff, it was again 7 minutes before Jessica Price took the stage. She still sounds like a frightened little mouse when she sings. The song is nice, and she has it going OK, but she wouldn’t get to the final 20 in Idol. She had the chorus down nice, and she has a very sexy appeal so someone could make her popular, but it couldn never be purely based on her voice. And she would have to cut a CD first of studio promoted music before anyone would pay to see her on stage.
5. The time, between the commercials, fluff and the next act was, you guessed it, 7 minutes. Joseph Hall started rising in smoke and sang “Satisfy Me”, by, who else, Elvis. He actually had the Elvis act down better this week. He had the stage moves down and seemed comfortable performing them. As before, though, when he hits the real hard notes, he ain’t Elvis, but he is entertaining and the ladies are crazed about him.
6. 7 more minutes… Neil E. Boyd began. He did “All By Myself”. Going for the powerful chorus, but the slow parts were a bit harsh to listen to. The chorus did not show off his powerful voice as well as it could, but he did take the opportunity to hit a few power notes and had a strong finale. We like him, but find him boring like Donald Braswell. But we are pulling for him because he really could use the money for donuts.
7. 8 minutes of commercials and fluff to the Wright Kids. The kids started with another kids tune. “ABC”. Lead was flat for the first verse. Chorus OK, but clearly not Jackson Five Quality. The performance had no energyand was very boring. Poorly done. We thought they had it going last week. They lost it this week, and it was not the time to lose it.
8. They only got to 6 minutes wasted before they brought on Queen Emily. We were impressed. With the gap, not Emily, only 6 minutes, wow!! She sang “You’re Going To Love Me”. She pushed it and was driving a bit too hard, yelling at times. We know the lady can wale, and she was better than she was last week, but she is not at the same level of talent as the women she imitates and she was trying too hard. We think she is entertaining, but wouldn’t pay to see her. Still, she will likely make the top 5 given the screw up eliminations from last week.
9. Six more minutes and it was time for Nuttin But Stringz. We really like this duo, and we were expecting them to deliver huge. They started off with a marching drum sort of group to build things up. We still cannot place what it is that is entertaining about them. They did have to bring in more fluff like gals hanging from scarfs and swinging from the rafters, but that is typical Vegas stuff. By the time they were done, these guys had their bow strings all shredded. We did not like them as much as last week, but we liked them bunch none the less.
10. Seven minutes to Eli Mattson. He did an Elton Song “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”. He should be a cinch for the final, but he needs to bring it big next week. This week he was a tad on the boring side.
If you do not have a DVR and you like this show, get one. We watched a two hour show that had 20 minutes of performance in it. That left 1 hour and fourty minutes of filler, most of it painful commercials and fluff of approximately 7 minutes between each act. TGFFF is worth every penny, even if you just get to skip Jerry.
Our contestant order and scores:
1. Eli Mattson (8/10)
2. Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)
3. Neil E. Boyd (8/10)
4. Queen Emily (7/10)
5. Joseph Hall (7/10)
6. Paul Salos (7/10)
7. Donald Braswell (7/10)
8. Jessica Price (6/10)
9. Wright Kids (6/10)
10. Kaitlyn Maher (6/10)
Our definite eliminations this week are the child acts. This week, for them to get to the finals, they would have to get major child sympathy. Neither act was good.
Jessica should not be here and lucked out last week getting cast on the first night when the talent was so very weak. She is pretty, but she is just really not that good. Maybe she could be better in a studio and with singing training. She doesn’t have a horrible voice, but she isn’t at Eli’s, Neil’s or even Emily’s level. But she has a look that could be played up if she found her niche. Maybe she could even step into Idol after a year of singing lessons.
Our definite winners this week are Eli Mattson, Nuttin But Stringz and Neil E. Boyd. All performed up to par and all deserve a berth in the finals, even though we think none could do an hour long Vegas act day after day.
The most talented of the remaining three is Donald Braswell. He could do Broadway, but he is a tad old for that and we wouldn’t pay to see just him sing. Joseph Hall does a mean Elvis, but he doesn’t sing extremely well. But man oh man does he get the girls going. Paul Salos does a pretty good impersonation of Frank. And we could picture him as a background act in Vegas. It is a shame they displaced such great talent last week due to the poor format, or we wouldn’t have such a poor group of finalists to choose from.
Hmmm. We are going to cop out and let you choose. Vote for your favorite among our bottom three.
1. Paul Salos
2. Joseph Hall
3. Donald Braswell
4. Other (you think one of our eliminations belongs in the finals)
The show started with the greatest new act we have seen period. Terry Fator!! He brought on our favorite turtle to sing for Sharon. Winston did a great Marvin Gaye tune. No one knows how Terry does this. He sings better than some we have seen on American Idol, without moving his lips and through a puppet.
Terry then brought out Maynard Thomkins, an Elvis impersonator which was specifically related to the later talent, Joseph Hall, that actually does his own Elvis impersonation. You know, Terry can do anybody. He can impersonate Frank, Elvis, even the great Roy Orbison and have you feeling his puppet is an awesome singer. We may be able to eliminate all other acts on this show and just make them into Terry Fator puppets. Great performance Terry. 100 million bucks? It wasn’t enough.
No we would like to explain our title. You should be your own judge on this show because the judges are all useless. Piers is a pompous Simon Cowell wannabe that should just be discarded as the buffoon he truly is. Sharon has an edge, but brings little to the show. And Hasselhoff should go back to talking to cars. Jerry, most of all, is a waste of air time. So, you can save huge amounts of time watching the acts without listening to the judges at all. And the show is infinitely better!! Be your own judge.
Act 1: Sick Step (8/10)
When we were in Boston this past week-end we saw some break dancers at Quincy Market. They were all pretty good, and it was fun, but you can see the difference with Sick Step. They are pros, well choreographed and fun. The synchronization was great and each dancer seems to bring a strength. None are just filler. They are as good as some of the So You Think you can Dance Breakers, and we genuinely love them.
Act 2: Donald Braswell (7/10)
OK, this guy can sing huge. His voice is spectacular, but what comes to mind as he performs is his name should be Donald Boresustohell. The music is totally yesterday. But he has a niche. He could perform on Broadway or in a Broadway show and kill it. He did a Phantom of the Opera song and it was spectacular. We just find him boring and think America will as well, fake tan or no.
Act 3: Joseph Hall (8/10)
Joseph is an Elvis impersonator. In this show, he had some classic Elvis style and moves. He also had the song down fairly well, Suspicious Minds. But he doesn’t have the voice on the power notes. But he has every girl in the audience standing or on their knees screaming for him.
His tan actually looks real and his chest shaved. He gets a point just for his looks. Women will love this guy and he is a draw. But in comparison to Maynard Thomkins, we don’t think he is that much better talent wise. Tough call.
Act 4: Taubl Family (6/10)
New Title, the In Trouble Family. The women came on and sang. The lead was good, but the harmonies were awful early. As the boys came in, they were strong again, and the boys were the stars last week that pulled it off for them, but you know what? They lost. Next.
Act 5: Sarah Lenore (8/10)
This gal belongs on Idol. She has the talent and look to pull it off. She may not win, but she could give most Idol’s a run for their money. She chose a ridiculously popular song to sing. She chose “Bleeding Love”, by Leona Lewis. And as we mentioned last night, that gets you compared to the original, and that makes it real tough to judge. But we loved it. She made it her own, put on a “live” performance of the song and was fantastic. Sara is beautiful and a hot performer. She can definitely be a star.
Act 6: Nuttin But Stringz (9/10)
OK, you just have to see these guys. They are great. It seems simple. A couple of violins and some dance moves and overall, it just seems like a losing act. Then you watch it, and you take them to the top. They draw you in and up. We have no idea what it is. We have heard better violin. We have seen better dancing. We have seen better choreography. We haven’t seen a better act (except Terry).
Act 7: Kaitlyn Maher (7/10)
This act is difficult for us, and we are sure it is difficult for America. The girl is incredibly cute, but that isn’t a reason to vote for her; well it is, but it would have to be purely for child sympathy. But Kaitlyn has something else. She is 4 and remembers every word of difficult songs. She walks and waves in this way that is so cute you know it is practiced, and she pulls it off wonderfully. Even more stunning is she hits every verse with perfect timing. This is something many professionals fail at. Her only failure is also in her youth. We cannot compare her talent to that of adults. If this was America’s Got Talent for Children, she would win. But how can we give her the same ranking as someone like Sarah Lenore? We just can’t. We are not sure if America will, but we wouldn’t feel too bad if she made the finals.
Act 8: Tapping Dads (8/10)
Wow, these guys really brought it tonight. Great choreography, fantastic showmanship. We could see them on Vegas. They know who the star is, and they know how to play off him. Their synchronization, perfect. We raised them a point watching them again. We had them going home this week, but now we are not so sure. They hit it and they deserve a berth in the finals, but so do so many others!!
Act 9: Eli Mattson (9/10)
Eli had a couple of mild intonation problems at the beginning, but the piano was great and he killed the verse. He picked a very difficult song by Alicia Keys. “If I Ain’t Got You”.
We liked his version better. He loses one point because he belongs on Idol. But then again, his piano is killer so maybe his diversity says he belongs here. Eli will have a CD out soon, we can feel it.
Some people want it all Eli. Some people just have it all. Congrats guy.
Act 10: Jonathan Burkin (9/10)
Baton Twirler Wizard. (Performed to “Pinball Wizard”). Jonathan brings together a world of talent. At first you see a guy twirling batons, and you think it is kind of corny, but really, as you watch it closely, you get it. The guy is a massively talented juggler; he just uses batons. He is a gymnast, executing flips and complicated dance moves with aplomb while juggling. And the guy is a major showman, but he does it in jeans and a T-Shirt! Jonathan is a finalist. Period. If he drops the baton once, he is doomed, but he hasn’t yet.
1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Sarah Lenore
5. Tapping Dads
6. Joseph Hall
7. Sick Stuff
Not again. Another tie breaker. OK, 1-3 are golden. No removing them from the top 10. So who goes from the remaining 4? The acts from last night and tonight will be voted upon together, which confuses things even more. Going back to our review from last night, our only 9/10 act was Neil E Boyd. So, that picks 4/10 from the two nights for us.
1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Neil Boyd
Leaving 6 more, and we have so many that were so very close. Here are our remaining picks for the top 10.
5. Sarah Lenore
6. Joseph Hall
7. The Wright Kids
8. Extreme Dance FX
9. Tapping Dads
10. Sick Step
W e had one error in last night’s picks. The baton twirler, Jonathan Berkin, got through over Matthew Piazzi. We were real close on those two having them both ranked at 7/10, but decided that impersonations were more likely to make an hour long Vegas act than baton twirling. We also think Jonathan needs to dress up his act. Not the batons, etc. Himself. He needs some pizzazz! But he got voted through.
So once again, we had four out of five.
Winners from Last Night:
1. Jonathan Berkin
2. Sarah Lenore
3. Joseph Hall
4. Taubl Family
Now for tonight’s performers:
1. The Dallas Desperados Dancers (5/10)
Just cheerleaders. Buzz by Piers. Then Sharon. Of course Hasselhoff wouldn’t buzz young women in skimpy outfits, but he should have. Lame choreography, bad even for an average high school cheerleader team.
2. Bryan Cheatham (5/10)
Chippendale that thinks he can sing. Super Corny Intro. Sang “You Are My Everything”. Kind of flat in parts. Buzz 1 Piers. Not good. Back to the Jock Strap tips for this guy. Sharon says, “Cut the crap.” To get voted on, he would have to cheat ’em.
3. Flambeaux (5/10)
Fire Eater. Starts off cool. Then drags a bit and gets a buzz by Sharon, then Piers.
Audience booing. Overall, pretty dumb. Three buzzes.
4. Kaitlyn Maher (6/10)
4 year old mostly Child Sympathy Act. “I feel wike a big pwincess”. Sang “What a Wonderful World”. Off key, but majorly cute. So, if you vote for singing and karaoke, she is a 2, if you vote cute, she is a an 8. Audience goes nuts. Judges play up to her pathetically. Even Jerry takes advantage of the schmoozing.
5. Dorae Saunders (3/10)
Cheap Lip Sync Act Female Impersonator trying to look like Tina Turner. More proof that this is just a freak show by bringing on the third transvestite or transexual act in the top 40! We don’t think Kaitlyn was a transvestite, but you never know at her age. So it could be four! He does Disco Inferno. Piers buzzed early, the others didn’t buzz at all. They all should have. Pathetic lip sync. Sharon says she loves her. Oh brother. “Only in America can a transsexual play it live to 20 million people and pull it off”, exclaimed Hasselhoff. Well, David, we are not sure what she was pulling off, but it wasn’t this act. But we are certain she (it) can perform for you and pull it off.
6. Donald Braswell (7/10)
Big Sob Story after getting to come back as the Wild Card. America supposedly picked him, so let’s hear it. “To Dream The Impossible Dream”. Strong voice, good fake tan, we would not pay for him, but he was good and on key. Standing O. But Sharon hit it. The shows like Lawrence Welk aren’t on anymore and they are likely the only forum where Donald would be relevant. We have a job for him, he would make a great puppet for Terry Fator!!
7. Indiggo Twins (4/10)
Cute gals, that do a kinky dance act and sing. Hasselhoff says they are like vampires. We will see if they suck. Buzz right away by Piers. What else is new. Audience is booing within seconds. We know Hasselhoff will never buzz gals in skimpy outfits no matter how bad they are. But Hasselhoff was right about the vampire thing, they suck.
8. Tapping Dads (7/10)
Finally, these guys will get to do their act. They have hidden this act for weeks. Piers does not like them. Starts good. Nice sync. Good choreography. Buzz by Piers. But the audience disagrees and loves them. If the cameras would stay on the act, we could better judge them, but we liked them. Fun stuff. Piers is an idiot. Sharon saw it and tried to throttle him.
9. Eli Mattson (9/10)
Piano Player singer. Gets a one point deduction automatically for belonging on American Idol if he is indeed any good. Has a style similar to Marc Kohn. In fact, Eli did one of Marc’s songs last week. His Piano is good, his voice on key, and he has it all. Right on point. Guy is great. He would have a shot on Idol. Standing O.
Eli’s Version of Walking on Memphis.
10. Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)
Two guys that play the violin. Starts off good. Fun stuff. Building violin play, kind of intense, kind of corny. Piers says they are the favorite act in the competition. They are quite good, although a very odd act.
OK, the picks for us are pretty easy. The talent was totally evident. 1. Eli Mattson
2. Nuttin But Stringz
3. Tapping Dads
4. Donald Braswell
5. Kaitlyn Maher
We don’t need to play the child sympathy game this week, because the child sympathy act actually made it in by a hair into our top 5 because the bottom five acts were so horrible. But she will be out next week.
Eli has greatness built into his voice. Get him on Idol!!
T he show begins with the weakest talent on this or any other show, Jerry Springer. Quite honestly, he is a major detriment to this show. Where is Ryan Seacrest when you need him?
They break to a ton of performers saying it is their dream to win, I’ve come so far, blah blah blah.
What strikes us overall as this show progresses is that the judges continually pass through acts that do not belong on the show, just to bash or buzz them later. How could they have been so stupid to let through some of these acts in the first place? And then later criticize the talent they strapped us with because they were too soft or lazy to knock them off in the first place? Was talent really sparse in the entire United States this year or is this show getting incredibly lazy?
We got to *TGFFF as Jerry and the Judges try to make themselves look important.
The acts from last week that get to go on were a total joke. The audience got suckered into every bad sympathy act there is and skipped some real talent in the process. We are suggesting they change the name of the show to “America’s Got Pity” with this set of selections. But honestly, we have come to anticipate an audience that votes for sympathy acts, and this is very close to what we thought the audience would vote for…but it wasn’t who deserved to win.
1. Paul Salos (America falls for the Elderly Sympathy Act)
2. Wright Kids (Child Sympathy minimal talent act)
3. Daniel Jens (Iraq Sympathy no talent act)
4. Queen Emily
Our only error in what we suggested that an audience vulnerable to sympathy acts would vote for was “Slippery Kittens”. We honestly thought they would pick at least some talent in between the silly sympathy plays, but the audience even picked Daniel Jens again, showing how pathetically vulnerable America is to pity.
Daniel has no talent. He does not belong here. How the audience could vote for him and actually think he had a prayer of playing in Vegas is beyond us, but sympathy works. America loves charity, so make sure you sell some candy bars at your local supermarket for $5.00 each. You can make more pretending you are pathetic in need of money than performing any viable untrained job. A proven fact is the fake homeless in Boston make more money than experienced workers at McDonald’s.
But if such a sympathy act got through to Vegas, they would not survive two weeks. Vegas and paying customers have no sympathy.
Someone has to realize America voted for a man that forgot his words in a simple song, then sang lame karaoke on his next performance. We are thinking it was a set-up by America’s Got Talent to continue to play the Iraq sympathy act. They realize their talent sucks overall this year. So, to keep people watching, they have to play the heartstrings.
The audience proved that they aren’t completely inept in their voting. They voted in every mediocre talent sympathy act possible. Daniel Jens stunk. The Wright Kids were child karaoke!! Paul Salos does not even compare in talent to the Slippery Kittens gals. Paul is quite a joke and sounds nothing like Sinatra. Good for a wedding act, but Vegas??? Are you serious? But they did vote through the real talent from last week. Zoo-perstars!!
Last week, the show redeemed itself with some real talent and then America voted out most of that talent this week. If it wasn’t for the fact the Zoo-Perstars survived, we would believe Piers had one hell of a fast speed dialer to make sure the junk rose to the top. Every sympathy act won regardless of how horrible they were and some real talent got sent home.
So what pain did we endure in this next 10 of the final 40 in America? Think about that, these are among the top 40 acts of of well over 300 million Americans. It is the best this show could do.
Act 1: Texas State Slutters err Strutters (2/10)
More bad camera action, having no clue where to place the camera. All over the place. My father used to do better with home videos and an 8 mm black and white.
Just like in their first performance, they looked like basic cheerleaders. Three buzzes this time. Took the judges one performance more to figure out these gals belong in a strip club not on stage?
Act 2: Michael Strelo-Smith (6/10)
Fattest singer on the planet. I am not sure what McDonald’s and Dunkin’ Donuts has to do with singing but these folks can sing. But they have to be fed, so it may not be worth the compromise with world hunger what it is.
His voice is good, but he chose a tune that didn’t fit him, I am What I am by Gloria Gaynor, and garners two out of three buzzers by the end. Now, we think he was at least a good singer. To pass through a no-talent like Jens and then vote this guy out demonstrates there is something stupid going on here.
The judges sucked worse. Actually, this time Hasselhoff had the only intelligent statement. Piers and Sharon were dunces. Not because they didn’t vote for him, but because their advice was wrong, useless and had no merit. Personally, I don’t think he is worth a million, but compared to last week’s sympathy acts, he looks like a Zoo-Perstar, and wouldn’t even need the inflatable suit! Whoops.
Act 3: Bruce Block (1/10)
The trick? Cut a horse in half. Brings on a fake horse with a bunch of midgets. So instead of cutting a horse in half, he puts it back together. Box opens and there is a pony inside. Yippie Kae Yo!! Piers buzzed him, the audience was kind. The act was transparent at best. Next.
Act 4: Shequida (1/10)
U-Tranny Bolt – the fastest XXX on the planet!! And yet the judges only gave this spastic fool a single X?
Drag Queen doing Opera version of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”. Horrible.
We have seen more transvestite talent in Provincetown taking a leak in a dirty paper cup.
Act 5: Taubl Family (6/10)
Starts off good with the boys in harmony, singing “Umbrella” by Rihanna.
As the rest of the family joined in, it was harsh. We are not sure what the instruments were for except for the intro. They held them nice. Standing O. Why? Cuz everyone else absolutely sucked.
Act 6: Jonathan Burkin (7/10)
Juggling act. Starts with some flaming batons. Does some awkward flips. Continues to dance like he should be joining the U-Tranny act cheering for a losing football team. He dances to Elton John, which seems to exemplify his sexual taste.
With all the fire, he is a tad entertaining, but we are thinking every cheerleader that has ever practiced with a baton is saying, “I could do that”.
He finishes with a double flip after throwing the baton in the air and catches it. That got the audience really going, but again, it was in comparison to crap, so we don’t know how to judge it.
He didn’t drop any of his batons. He hit every move. He looks overly gay, but hey, as Seinfeild said, “There is nothing wrong with that”. The judges thought it was, as Piers said, “incredible”. But it really wasn’t.
“You are the best baton twirler in the world!!”, said Hasselhoff.
Act 7: Sarah Lenore (9/10)
Sarah is a singer with a guitar she carries for show, but doesn’t apparently know how to play. She loses one point automatically for belonging on Idol if she has any real talent.
She sings “I’m not Ready to Make Nice” and has a great voice. Guitar is a prop, but hey, we have seen that before with better talents than her. She sounds as good as some Carrie Underwear stuff and she is absolutely hot. Great smile. Great Hair. Great look. She has it!!
If it wasn’t for the fact she belongs on Idol not here, she would get 10/10.
Act 8: Sickstep (8/10)
Basketball break dancing? Very well choreographed. Plays to the talents of each performer.
Great coordination. Fun. Loved it. Standing, jumping O!!
Act 9: Matthew Piazzi (7/10)
Matthew is an impersonator. He started with a good Schwartzeneger impersonation, followed by a pretty good Jack Nicholson. Then, a pretty poor Vince Vaughn, and a very good George Clooney.
Then he jumped into a Jerry Lee Lewis song, “Great Balls Of Fire” and lost us a bit, because it wasn’t an impersonation, or at least not a good one. It was fun, the piano was good. He tried to do impersonations while singing, but he was losing the ability to impersonate as he sang. Not sure if it was the tone or he was getting winded.
Standing O though.
Piers, “I think you blew it big time by singing and playing the piano. Great impersonations.” We think he should impersonate Piers.
Hasselhoff the only man with brains in this show. Please, it can’t be!! “I thought you did great”. We did too. Just a bit of fade on the piano. Singing impersonations are very hard.
Act 10: Joseph Hall (8/10)
The girls love him, guys don’t like him. 13 year olds screaming. That is a good sign. He used props and got the audience going.
Tons of dancers, etc. with him. But the voice wasn’t Elvis. Fun act, but if you are supposed to be an Elvis impersonator, we think you should sound like Elvis.
Jailhouse Rock. Good for next week. Standing O!
Sharon thinks he lost his “naughtiness”. Sharon says she likes them dirty and hopes he comes back dirty. LOL.
So here are our choices:
1. Sarah Lenore
3. Joseph Hall
4. Matthew Piazzi
5. Taubl Family
There are really no sympathy acts this week, so we don’t think the audience will diverge much from our selection. They are gullible to the sympathy plays, but when there aren’t any, we think they can pick the best talent.
It was time, finally time, for America’s Got Talent to show America they listened to the criticism at myrealitytelevision.com, because it is criticism we read throughout the internet, and it is from our readers and others like you. Week after week, people were getting ready to give up on how pathetic this show had become and told us why. We told AGT, and we think they got the point, either through us or through the web.
Any way you cut it, tonight things were different. We liked the format of the show from the start, eliminating last week’s introductory noise, and for the fist time in weeks, we preferred the show to the commercials.
It is possible the Olympic break gave AGT’s choreographers a chance to use their noggins and earn their pay. We hope this lasts through the finale.
Last night, we called 4 out of 5. Our only mistake was Cadence. We think they weren’t good enough, but we were looking at a bunch of mediocre cowboy dancers as competition, so that could have gone either way
Neal E. Boyd
Extreme Dance FX
We want to give the audience huge credit for voting out the little girl stunt show. They saw right through the nonsense. She had a great cry for the cameras, and it warmed our hearts to see her go for the James Gang who actually have some talent.
Well, NOW let’s get on to this week…
1. Beyond Belief Dance Company (8/10)
21 Cheerleaders that call themselves dancers. They needed a whining cameo. “Oh we have sprained ankles, whine whine”. The Acrobatics were OK. They had good choreography, not great, and were a bit random at times. They were in sync for the most part. It was difficult to rate them because of the poor camera work by NBC. A large show like this requires you be able to see the entire act, and it was difficult because they didn’t keep the wide angle on, and the camera crew judged what they thought was important. That is not good for a show where the audience is supposed to vote. We did, however, get a great cliché from Sharon. “You have to take it to a higher level”. D’uh Thanks Sharon. Who doesn’t? It was good fun. And better than anything last night.
2. Paul Salos (7/10)
Sinatra Impersonator. Paul is an elderly sympathy act at 72. He isn’t bad, and starts off in a Sinatra-like suit with some ladies with canes having a Vegas appeal. We give Paul credit, he actually does the singing; this is at least Karaoke, not just lip sync! He did “My Way”. Now, you have to hear Sinatra to know this guy doesn’t sound much like him, but he is fun, and he has his moments. So we have to put him through. The finale kept him from getting a higher score. Frank never said “My WEEE”. If not for the finale, he would be tied with BBDC. Judges played up to him, but if this guy is worth a million bucks, our website is with 2 million. It took forty years for this guy to get this far, and for his ears to get this big.
3. Kazual (7/10)
Temptations like group. The sneakers and outfits did not look good. Good synchronization. Good finish. A bit flat at times. Piers buzzed them and said exactly what we thought. Good harmonies, but the solos weren’t good enough. Fun stuff though.
4. Zoo-perstars. (9/10)
Inflatable Dancers. They look like team mascots. There was a hysterical cameo. It was totally sarcastic of the show’s condescending whining cameos. The leader said, “This competition means everything to us. We have dedicated our lives, sacrificed our families, our friends…”, all while in an inflatable chipmunk outfit. We were already laughing at all the pathetic heart-string sob stories in earlier AGT cameos. “America will vote for us because we are pretty, short and sweet.”
We already did!!
Piers said “This is not Talent”, but he totally missed the point of the Zoo-perstars. It was a satire of everything stupid in America’s Got Talent! Piers buzzed them immediately. They danced to Macho Man in inflated mascot outfits and had us in hysterics. The chipmunk leader completed the YMCA signature move with his feet while standing on his head. For the finale, the inflatable snail eats one of the crew. Even Piers was reluctantly laughing at the end. Standing O!!!
Piers showed Springer is not the only narcissist on the show; he actually told the audience to shut up? Piers, don’t be a condescending prick or you WILL be deported. Our only complaint about the act is they could have used funnier inflatable costumes, like an inflatable Hillary. If they were to pull off a couple of more creative inflatable costumes, these guys could win a million bucks!!
5. The Wright Kids. (7/10)
No sob story cameo. Basic family story. Good job. Kind of a child sympathy act, but good. They did a Monkey’s tune, “Daydream Believer”. First kid’s singing was a bit flat. They look like they are playing instruments, maybe they are, but the background drowns them out. In fact, you can’t hear the kids instruments at all. Really, it is karaoke, but cute. Standing O.
6. Jonathan Arons (7/10)
Good cameo, tough to get recognition, something new and fresh. Again, good job. No sob story. No my dog died or I stepped on my pet caterpillar to string us along.
Jonathan plays a trombone with dancing. Unique act. Only mediocre trombone, but that is a small part of the act. The performance is much better than the trombone. Lots of fun background dancing. The act was funny and performed to “Dancing in September”. They did a Lawrence Welk style “Overhead flower”. Piers, as much as we hate to say it, said it all. He said Jon was “One sandwich short of a picnic, but you’re also incredibly entertaining…”. Sharon added, “Great Fun”.
7. Specialist Daniel Jens (6/10)
Daniel is nothing but an Iraq Sympathy Act. He actually forgot his words in his prior performance and if this show were real, would not be where he is. He finally did a good cameo, not a whining act like the first. His performance was in a rising mist (amazing what you can do with dry ice) and the guitar was actually in tune. It was the chorus where he showed how poor a performer he really is. At that point, he gave up his guitar and showed that none of the music was actually his, it is a CD. Daniel has a fan cluster in fatigue T-shirts that say “America’s got Jens”, but he has no real talent. Piers tells him like it is, he does not have the voice to play in Vegas, or anywhere else. We give Jens credit for trying to finally be genuine here, no tear-jerking bull, but we never liked him.
8. Slippery Kittens (7/10)
This is a middle aged burlesque show. There was a good cameo. No crybaby antics. “We are going to show you burlesque like it has never been done before”.
They started with sexy boy scout outfits in miniskirts. These gals do have gams, and other attributes. Great choreography! Fun, but not exceptional talent. Great for a USO performance though!! Our troops would LOVE these gals!! They finally discarded their boy scout uniforms for Red White and Blue outfits that look like bathing suits. Piers buzzed because he hates everything American, but it was fun stuff. Not a million bucks worth, but fun. Standing O. Too many tattoos on the leader, but legs! This clearly played to the Oedipus complex, and did a pretty good job.
These gals will appeal to middle aged men throughout America! MILFS.
9. George the Giant (5/10)
This is a 7’3″ guy that does weird things. He said in his cameo, he only fits in on the stage. Nice cameo. No sob story. Says he went to the hospital trying to perform his upcoming act. “If that means risking my life, that is what I am going to do”. Not unrealistic for a million bucks.
George came in chained, looking like Harry Houdini. He strung himself upside down and then blew it. He had kids brought in to beat him like a pinata. Piers buzzed him immediately. Sharon followed. He escapes from his chains while being beaten by a fat woman with a baseball bat and coughs up a ton of candy. Judges look on in shock. Funny for 30 seconds, but no Vegas act.
10. Queen Emily (8/10)
Once again, it isn’t over until the “Fat Lady” sings. This gal can whale. Whoops…wale. Sorry. “This is a dream come true”. Not a horrible cameo. No real sob story. “Nothing is impossible.” Corny, but not stupid.
Emily came out dressed like Queen Latifah in a long red dress that has a cape with tons of cubic zirconia. Her performance was to “Aint no Mountain High Enough”. The long red dress looks good, and she fills it. Emily had good supporting dancing and got a standing O.
Piers called her a superstar. Someone that can beat Michael Phelps. Piers has to have someone tell him how stupid he sounds. He just demonstrated his total contempt for Amymerica. Making any comparison of this woman to a man that just set the world record for most gold medals in an Olympics after 36 years is like comparing a breath mint to the cure for Polio. It is downright stupid. “You are now absolutely the front runner.”, Piers blathered (we are not so sure about that). At first, the performance sounds great, but a review of the performance makes one realize the Queen is little more than Karaoke. Her singing was drowned out by the background which was mostly the original Supremes.
Here are our picks:
1. Zoo-perstars. No false hype. No nonsense. This is just hysterical fun. These guys are great comics. Piers misses the point entirely. 2. Queen Emily. A bit of Karaoke. We know she can sing, but she has to do it next time on her own or she won’t be here. 3. Beyond Belief Dance Company. We liked them because they were nothing but true effort and talent. 4. Slippery Kittens. We liked the show for its “Desperate Housewives” feel. Some hot women dancing and performing burlesque. It isn’t new, but it sure isn’t tired like many of the acts on this show. Great job ladies. 5. Jonathan Arons. We have no idea why this guy sticks in our minds, but he was fun. We laughed, we cried, well, we at least laughed. He is funnier than the two presidential candidates by a long shot. So we stuck with him.
What we think the audience will vote for:
1. Queen Emily
3. The Wright Kids (unless they can see around the child sympathy act again)
4. Paul Zalos
5. Slippery Kittens