There you have it, the final five.Bear in mind that not one of these talents is a long term nightly Vegas act except maybe Nuttin But Stringz with a bunch of help.Four out of the five are singers.Dull.This is now, other than NBS, just a singing contest.Sad really with the variety of talents they had on this show, and another reason why we think they should not have singers on the show or at least limit them somehow.This is going to be an amateur American Idol.
But at least the folks that were eliminated this week pretty much made sense, especially the child acts.They weren’t good last night and it would have been a shame to keep them and, Jessica really had to go.
All that said, here is our expected order of the talent
2.Nuttin But Stringz
3.Neil E. Boyd
We expect Eli or NBS to win.We think Queen Emily does not belong on the list, but Donald is boring, so he may not as well.But it doesn’t matter, there is one winner, our money is on Eli.
You could have missed the first 15 minutes and missed nothing.
1. Paul Salos led off. He did New York, New York. He fouled up some parts. He really didn’t sound totally like Frank, but he was pretty good. Then he forgot the words, and had a reasonable finish, but nothing fantastic. Piers actually buzzed him.
2. Kaitlyn Maher was next, and she appeared, with commercials and filler, 8 full minutes after Paul. Bearing in mind these are two minute acts, that says what this show really is. It has become America’s got Ads. At Any rate, Kaitlyn did Call My Name (I’ll Be There), was real cute, her voice was cracking, she was really not good at all. But she has the cute going. If cute is worth a million bucks, she is worth a million. Talent-wise, not much. Other than Piers, they all pandered to her. We thought *TGFFF.
3. It was a full 7 minutes from the time the judges shut up until Donald Braswell came on. He did his usual show tune style music, Broadway style. We would tell you how well he did, but we fell asleep, but we knew we would have plenty of time for a nap given the 7 minute gap between the acts. He was done in 2 minutes. He has a strong voice and could do a Broadway show. He is just so boring.
4. This time, with filler and fluff, it was again 7 minutes before Jessica Price took the stage. She still sounds like a frightened little mouse when she sings. The song is nice, and she has it going OK, but she wouldn’t get to the final 20 in Idol. She had the chorus down nice, and she has a very sexy appeal so someone could make her popular, but it couldn never be purely based on her voice. And she would have to cut a CD first of studio promoted music before anyone would pay to see her on stage.
5. The time, between the commercials, fluff and the next act was, you guessed it, 7 minutes. Joseph Hall started rising in smoke and sang “Satisfy Me”, by, who else, Elvis. He actually had the Elvis act down better this week. He had the stage moves down and seemed comfortable performing them. As before, though, when he hits the real hard notes, he ain’t Elvis, but he is entertaining and the ladies are crazed about him.
6. 7 more minutes… Neil E. Boyd began. He did “All By Myself”. Going for the powerful chorus, but the slow parts were a bit harsh to listen to. The chorus did not show off his powerful voice as well as it could, but he did take the opportunity to hit a few power notes and had a strong finale. We like him, but find him boring like Donald Braswell. But we are pulling for him because he really could use the money for donuts.
7. 8 minutes of commercials and fluff to the Wright Kids. The kids started with another kids tune. “ABC”. Lead was flat for the first verse. Chorus OK, but clearly not Jackson Five Quality. The performance had no energyand was very boring. Poorly done. We thought they had it going last week. They lost it this week, and it was not the time to lose it.
8. They only got to 6 minutes wasted before they brought on Queen Emily. We were impressed. With the gap, not Emily, only 6 minutes, wow!! She sang “You’re Going To Love Me”. She pushed it and was driving a bit too hard, yelling at times. We know the lady can wale, and she was better than she was last week, but she is not at the same level of talent as the women she imitates and she was trying too hard. We think she is entertaining, but wouldn’t pay to see her. Still, she will likely make the top 5 given the screw up eliminations from last week.
9. Six more minutes and it was time for Nuttin But Stringz. We really like this duo, and we were expecting them to deliver huge. They started off with a marching drum sort of group to build things up. We still cannot place what it is that is entertaining about them. They did have to bring in more fluff like gals hanging from scarfs and swinging from the rafters, but that is typical Vegas stuff. By the time they were done, these guys had their bow strings all shredded. We did not like them as much as last week, but we liked them bunch none the less.
10. Seven minutes to Eli Mattson. He did an Elton Song “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word”. He should be a cinch for the final, but he needs to bring it big next week. This week he was a tad on the boring side.
If you do not have a DVR and you like this show, get one. We watched a two hour show that had 20 minutes of performance in it. That left 1 hour and fourty minutes of filler, most of it painful commercials and fluff of approximately 7 minutes between each act. TGFFF is worth every penny, even if you just get to skip Jerry.
Our contestant order and scores:
1. Eli Mattson (8/10)
2. Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)
3. Neil E. Boyd (8/10)
4. Queen Emily (7/10)
5. Joseph Hall (7/10)
6. Paul Salos (7/10)
7. Donald Braswell (7/10)
8. Jessica Price (6/10)
9. Wright Kids (6/10)
10. Kaitlyn Maher (6/10)
Our definite eliminations this week are the child acts. This week, for them to get to the finals, they would have to get major child sympathy. Neither act was good.
Jessica should not be here and lucked out last week getting cast on the first night when the talent was so very weak. She is pretty, but she is just really not that good. Maybe she could be better in a studio and with singing training. She doesn’t have a horrible voice, but she isn’t at Eli’s, Neil’s or even Emily’s level. But she has a look that could be played up if she found her niche. Maybe she could even step into Idol after a year of singing lessons.
Our definite winners this week are Eli Mattson, Nuttin But Stringz and Neil E. Boyd. All performed up to par and all deserve a berth in the finals, even though we think none could do an hour long Vegas act day after day.
The most talented of the remaining three is Donald Braswell. He could do Broadway, but he is a tad old for that and we wouldn’t pay to see just him sing. Joseph Hall does a mean Elvis, but he doesn’t sing extremely well. But man oh man does he get the girls going. Paul Salos does a pretty good impersonation of Frank. And we could picture him as a background act in Vegas. It is a shame they displaced such great talent last week due to the poor format, or we wouldn’t have such a poor group of finalists to choose from.
Hmmm. We are going to cop out and let you choose. Vote for your favorite among our bottom three.
1. Paul Salos
2. Joseph Hall
3. Donald Braswell
4. Other (you think one of our eliminations belongs in the finals)
One of our readers pointed out something we did not get from the explanation of how they were doing the votes tonight on the ten finalists. There were 20 total acts, and we thought and felt that a total vote competition was appropriate. To not allow the acts from each night to compete against each other introduces a completely random selection into the mix. An unfair flip of the coin, not chosen by the audience or the judges.
But our reader was right. Five were selected from the first night and five from the second. And the second night’s talent was vastly better, so it ruined a chance at a spectacular finale integrating mediocre talent from the first night.
There were two truly sad events on the show . Sharon voted for Daniel Jens to go into the top 10. Sharon then followed up by not even remembering the name of Jonathan Burkin, referring to him as “Baton Boy”!! This convinces us even more that the judges are useless and those that plan the show are pathetic.
Out of our top 4, 3 were selected. But this was primarily because of the ill-conceived format not allowing the second night’s talent to compete with the first. Jonathan Burkin was fantastic and better than anyone that performed the first night. But he got eliminated because of the flip of a coin.
Sarah Lenore was fantastic. She could compete on Idol. Eli is better, but the selections from the first night that displaced Sarah were a joke. Fat Lady (Emily) doesn’t hold a candle to Sarah. Paul Salos? Please. Donald Braswell? We are sleeping already. Sarah blows them away, and we hope she shows up on Idol and makes fools out of the people that run this show. The fact that Jessica Price is in the final 10 and Daniel Jens got within one vote of the top 10 while Sarah was sent packing demonstrates even more, this show is just way too random.
All three of our dark horses were picked. Paul Salos, who we thought was better this week than last, but he wouldn’t have made it if he performed the second night. Donald Braswell made it and that is sad as well. He is a niche performer. We would not pay to see him other than as part of a much broader show. He is a snoozer, sorry to say. And the child sympathy act got through. Kaitlyn is super cute, but to even compare her to some of the talents eliminated in her favor is an insult to intelligence.
We were Wright on the Wright Kids. And we thought the vote against Extreme Dance FX sad.
We agreed with Joseph Hall for the top 10 as well.
So where does that leave us? We have three entries in the top ten that just plain to not belong there and do not have a prayer. But at least they got rid of Jens. Finally!!
The three mistakes:
1. Kaitlyn Maher – We said we would not be disappointed with Kaitlyn being in the top ten, but when we actually saw the talent discarded in her favor, we realized we were wrong. She could not sustain an act in Vegas and the judges and audience know it. This was all about child sympathy. 2. Paul Salos – Paul actually could carry a long act doing his show imitating Sinatra in Vegas, but no one would pay good money for it. He could do an act in front of the slot machines, but talent-wise he doesn’t even qualify as a puppet for Terry Fator. This was the elderly sympathy vote combined with random luck he got to go on the first night when the talent was weakest. 3. Queen Emily – The fat lady can sing. She can’t win. We wouldn’t pay to see her sing one song, let alone a show on Vegas. She was a poor choice.
America didn’t really blow this. America’s Got Talent is primarily to blame with this lame format and incredibly poor choices for each night, clearly placing the weaker talent on the first night.
In fact, though, this pointed out something random about the entire show. The choice of talents for each week can result in incredibly unfair comparisons and eliminations. We have a couple of suggestions.
1. Get rid of Jerry
2. Get rid of the judges
3. Have an overall elimination competition more like Idol that allows everyone to compete for America’s votes.
We think that the random choice of talent from night to night deprives America of the best competition.
We think Eli wins anyway barring elderly and child sympathy votes, but those have been particularly strong this year so you never know. America is gullible when it comes to these acts and the show panders to them.
So let’s order the TOP 10 talents so far (bearing in mind this is before their final performances).
1. Eli Mattson
2. Nuttin But Stringz
3. Neil E. Boyd
4. The Wright Kids
5. Joseph Hall
6. Jessica Price
7. Paul Salos
8. Donald Braswell
9. Kaitlyn Maher
10. Queen Emily
However, we are a bit confused. The judges often infer that the reason for choosing a talent to move on is whether they can “sustain” an act on Vegas that lasts over an hour.
But it seems like really, we are voting for talent, not Vegas. Eli, for example, is hugely talented, but that doesn’t make him a long term Vegas act. There just aren’t too many of those, and those that do Vegas regularly are older names like Frankie Vallie or Sinatra before he passed away. Pearl Jam or Marc Cohn may show up on occasion, but they aren’t there every night. It just doesn’t seem practical to consider a singer for such an act.
That said, that rules out Emily, Jessica, Donald and Neil, none of which are as talented as Eli and none of which, we feel would And Kaitlyn is cute, but she could never sustain a Vegas Act long term. She could be part of one, but not THE act.
Nuttin but Strings we think could, but would need a huge amount of choreography work and vastly more diversity than they currently have. They are hugely talented and great to watch, but for over an hour every day on Vegas?
The Wright Kids could pull it off for a while. But we think that America would tire of it quickly. Again, they are more of a touring show than a fixture in Vegas. We would like to see them at a local show perhaps, but we are not interested when in Vegas in paying to see them.
One thing there are a bunch of in Vegas in lasting acts are niche performers. Female imitators, comedians, magicians, etc. Paul Salos and Joseph Hall come to mind. We don’t think people would pay to see Paul, but he could sustain a more minor act after the initial hooplah was over. SImilarly, Joseph, with good choreography and some more practice could be a huge draw of young girls, at least for a while. And Elvis impersonators are not uncommon at all in Vegas.
So now we have a conundrum. Do we vote for the best talent or the act we think could survive in Vegas the longest? If the former, the list above makes up our choices. But if the latter, we would have to consider two of the less talented stars as the winner. Is it “America’s Got Talent” or “Choose the Vegas Star”?
The show started with the greatest new act we have seen period. Terry Fator!! He brought on our favorite turtle to sing for Sharon. Winston did a great Marvin Gaye tune. No one knows how Terry does this. He sings better than some we have seen on American Idol, without moving his lips and through a puppet.
Terry then brought out Maynard Thomkins, an Elvis impersonator which was specifically related to the later talent, Joseph Hall, that actually does his own Elvis impersonation. You know, Terry can do anybody. He can impersonate Frank, Elvis, even the great Roy Orbison and have you feeling his puppet is an awesome singer. We may be able to eliminate all other acts on this show and just make them into Terry Fator puppets. Great performance Terry. 100 million bucks? It wasn’t enough.
No we would like to explain our title. You should be your own judge on this show because the judges are all useless. Piers is a pompous Simon Cowell wannabe that should just be discarded as the buffoon he truly is. Sharon has an edge, but brings little to the show. And Hasselhoff should go back to talking to cars. Jerry, most of all, is a waste of air time. So, you can save huge amounts of time watching the acts without listening to the judges at all. And the show is infinitely better!! Be your own judge.
Act 1: Sick Step (8/10)
When we were in Boston this past week-end we saw some break dancers at Quincy Market. They were all pretty good, and it was fun, but you can see the difference with Sick Step. They are pros, well choreographed and fun. The synchronization was great and each dancer seems to bring a strength. None are just filler. They are as good as some of the So You Think you can Dance Breakers, and we genuinely love them.
Act 2: Donald Braswell (7/10)
OK, this guy can sing huge. His voice is spectacular, but what comes to mind as he performs is his name should be Donald Boresustohell. The music is totally yesterday. But he has a niche. He could perform on Broadway or in a Broadway show and kill it. He did a Phantom of the Opera song and it was spectacular. We just find him boring and think America will as well, fake tan or no.
Act 3: Joseph Hall (8/10)
Joseph is an Elvis impersonator. In this show, he had some classic Elvis style and moves. He also had the song down fairly well, Suspicious Minds. But he doesn’t have the voice on the power notes. But he has every girl in the audience standing or on their knees screaming for him.
His tan actually looks real and his chest shaved. He gets a point just for his looks. Women will love this guy and he is a draw. But in comparison to Maynard Thomkins, we don’t think he is that much better talent wise. Tough call.
Act 4: Taubl Family (6/10)
New Title, the In Trouble Family. The women came on and sang. The lead was good, but the harmonies were awful early. As the boys came in, they were strong again, and the boys were the stars last week that pulled it off for them, but you know what? They lost. Next.
Act 5: Sarah Lenore (8/10)
This gal belongs on Idol. She has the talent and look to pull it off. She may not win, but she could give most Idol’s a run for their money. She chose a ridiculously popular song to sing. She chose “Bleeding Love”, by Leona Lewis. And as we mentioned last night, that gets you compared to the original, and that makes it real tough to judge. But we loved it. She made it her own, put on a “live” performance of the song and was fantastic. Sara is beautiful and a hot performer. She can definitely be a star.
Act 6: Nuttin But Stringz (9/10)
OK, you just have to see these guys. They are great. It seems simple. A couple of violins and some dance moves and overall, it just seems like a losing act. Then you watch it, and you take them to the top. They draw you in and up. We have no idea what it is. We have heard better violin. We have seen better dancing. We have seen better choreography. We haven’t seen a better act (except Terry).
Act 7: Kaitlyn Maher (7/10)
This act is difficult for us, and we are sure it is difficult for America. The girl is incredibly cute, but that isn’t a reason to vote for her; well it is, but it would have to be purely for child sympathy. But Kaitlyn has something else. She is 4 and remembers every word of difficult songs. She walks and waves in this way that is so cute you know it is practiced, and she pulls it off wonderfully. Even more stunning is she hits every verse with perfect timing. This is something many professionals fail at. Her only failure is also in her youth. We cannot compare her talent to that of adults. If this was America’s Got Talent for Children, she would win. But how can we give her the same ranking as someone like Sarah Lenore? We just can’t. We are not sure if America will, but we wouldn’t feel too bad if she made the finals.
Act 8: Tapping Dads (8/10)
Wow, these guys really brought it tonight. Great choreography, fantastic showmanship. We could see them on Vegas. They know who the star is, and they know how to play off him. Their synchronization, perfect. We raised them a point watching them again. We had them going home this week, but now we are not so sure. They hit it and they deserve a berth in the finals, but so do so many others!!
Act 9: Eli Mattson (9/10)
Eli had a couple of mild intonation problems at the beginning, but the piano was great and he killed the verse. He picked a very difficult song by Alicia Keys. “If I Ain’t Got You”.
We liked his version better. He loses one point because he belongs on Idol. But then again, his piano is killer so maybe his diversity says he belongs here. Eli will have a CD out soon, we can feel it.
Some people want it all Eli. Some people just have it all. Congrats guy.
Act 10: Jonathan Burkin (9/10)
Baton Twirler Wizard. (Performed to “Pinball Wizard”). Jonathan brings together a world of talent. At first you see a guy twirling batons, and you think it is kind of corny, but really, as you watch it closely, you get it. The guy is a massively talented juggler; he just uses batons. He is a gymnast, executing flips and complicated dance moves with aplomb while juggling. And the guy is a major showman, but he does it in jeans and a T-Shirt! Jonathan is a finalist. Period. If he drops the baton once, he is doomed, but he hasn’t yet.
1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Sarah Lenore
5. Tapping Dads
6. Joseph Hall
7. Sick Stuff
Not again. Another tie breaker. OK, 1-3 are golden. No removing them from the top 10. So who goes from the remaining 4? The acts from last night and tonight will be voted upon together, which confuses things even more. Going back to our review from last night, our only 9/10 act was Neil E Boyd. So, that picks 4/10 from the two nights for us.
1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Neil Boyd
Leaving 6 more, and we have so many that were so very close. Here are our remaining picks for the top 10.
5. Sarah Lenore
6. Joseph Hall
7. The Wright Kids
8. Extreme Dance FX
9. Tapping Dads
10. Sick Step
W e had one error in last night’s picks. The baton twirler, Jonathan Berkin, got through over Matthew Piazzi. We were real close on those two having them both ranked at 7/10, but decided that impersonations were more likely to make an hour long Vegas act than baton twirling. We also think Jonathan needs to dress up his act. Not the batons, etc. Himself. He needs some pizzazz! But he got voted through.
So once again, we had four out of five.
Winners from Last Night:
1. Jonathan Berkin
2. Sarah Lenore
3. Joseph Hall
4. Taubl Family
Now for tonight’s performers:
1. The Dallas Desperados Dancers (5/10)
Just cheerleaders. Buzz by Piers. Then Sharon. Of course Hasselhoff wouldn’t buzz young women in skimpy outfits, but he should have. Lame choreography, bad even for an average high school cheerleader team.
2. Bryan Cheatham (5/10)
Chippendale that thinks he can sing. Super Corny Intro. Sang “You Are My Everything”. Kind of flat in parts. Buzz 1 Piers. Not good. Back to the Jock Strap tips for this guy. Sharon says, “Cut the crap.” To get voted on, he would have to cheat ’em.
3. Flambeaux (5/10)
Fire Eater. Starts off cool. Then drags a bit and gets a buzz by Sharon, then Piers.
Audience booing. Overall, pretty dumb. Three buzzes.
4. Kaitlyn Maher (6/10)
4 year old mostly Child Sympathy Act. “I feel wike a big pwincess”. Sang “What a Wonderful World”. Off key, but majorly cute. So, if you vote for singing and karaoke, she is a 2, if you vote cute, she is a an 8. Audience goes nuts. Judges play up to her pathetically. Even Jerry takes advantage of the schmoozing.
5. Dorae Saunders (3/10)
Cheap Lip Sync Act Female Impersonator trying to look like Tina Turner. More proof that this is just a freak show by bringing on the third transvestite or transexual act in the top 40! We don’t think Kaitlyn was a transvestite, but you never know at her age. So it could be four! He does Disco Inferno. Piers buzzed early, the others didn’t buzz at all. They all should have. Pathetic lip sync. Sharon says she loves her. Oh brother. “Only in America can a transsexual play it live to 20 million people and pull it off”, exclaimed Hasselhoff. Well, David, we are not sure what she was pulling off, but it wasn’t this act. But we are certain she (it) can perform for you and pull it off.
6. Donald Braswell (7/10)
Big Sob Story after getting to come back as the Wild Card. America supposedly picked him, so let’s hear it. “To Dream The Impossible Dream”. Strong voice, good fake tan, we would not pay for him, but he was good and on key. Standing O. But Sharon hit it. The shows like Lawrence Welk aren’t on anymore and they are likely the only forum where Donald would be relevant. We have a job for him, he would make a great puppet for Terry Fator!!
7. Indiggo Twins (4/10)
Cute gals, that do a kinky dance act and sing. Hasselhoff says they are like vampires. We will see if they suck. Buzz right away by Piers. What else is new. Audience is booing within seconds. We know Hasselhoff will never buzz gals in skimpy outfits no matter how bad they are. But Hasselhoff was right about the vampire thing, they suck.
8. Tapping Dads (7/10)
Finally, these guys will get to do their act. They have hidden this act for weeks. Piers does not like them. Starts good. Nice sync. Good choreography. Buzz by Piers. But the audience disagrees and loves them. If the cameras would stay on the act, we could better judge them, but we liked them. Fun stuff. Piers is an idiot. Sharon saw it and tried to throttle him.
9. Eli Mattson (9/10)
Piano Player singer. Gets a one point deduction automatically for belonging on American Idol if he is indeed any good. Has a style similar to Marc Kohn. In fact, Eli did one of Marc’s songs last week. His Piano is good, his voice on key, and he has it all. Right on point. Guy is great. He would have a shot on Idol. Standing O.
Eli’s Version of Walking on Memphis.
10. Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)
Two guys that play the violin. Starts off good. Fun stuff. Building violin play, kind of intense, kind of corny. Piers says they are the favorite act in the competition. They are quite good, although a very odd act.
OK, the picks for us are pretty easy. The talent was totally evident. 1. Eli Mattson
2. Nuttin But Stringz
3. Tapping Dads
4. Donald Braswell
5. Kaitlyn Maher
We don’t need to play the child sympathy game this week, because the child sympathy act actually made it in by a hair into our top 5 because the bottom five acts were so horrible. But she will be out next week.
Eli has greatness built into his voice. Get him on Idol!!
T he show begins with the weakest talent on this or any other show, Jerry Springer. Quite honestly, he is a major detriment to this show. Where is Ryan Seacrest when you need him?
They break to a ton of performers saying it is their dream to win, I’ve come so far, blah blah blah.
What strikes us overall as this show progresses is that the judges continually pass through acts that do not belong on the show, just to bash or buzz them later. How could they have been so stupid to let through some of these acts in the first place? And then later criticize the talent they strapped us with because they were too soft or lazy to knock them off in the first place? Was talent really sparse in the entire United States this year or is this show getting incredibly lazy?
We got to *TGFFF as Jerry and the Judges try to make themselves look important.
The acts from last week that get to go on were a total joke. The audience got suckered into every bad sympathy act there is and skipped some real talent in the process. We are suggesting they change the name of the show to “America’s Got Pity” with this set of selections. But honestly, we have come to anticipate an audience that votes for sympathy acts, and this is very close to what we thought the audience would vote for…but it wasn’t who deserved to win.
1. Paul Salos (America falls for the Elderly Sympathy Act)
2. Wright Kids (Child Sympathy minimal talent act)
3. Daniel Jens (Iraq Sympathy no talent act)
4. Queen Emily
Our only error in what we suggested that an audience vulnerable to sympathy acts would vote for was “Slippery Kittens”. We honestly thought they would pick at least some talent in between the silly sympathy plays, but the audience even picked Daniel Jens again, showing how pathetically vulnerable America is to pity.
Daniel has no talent. He does not belong here. How the audience could vote for him and actually think he had a prayer of playing in Vegas is beyond us, but sympathy works. America loves charity, so make sure you sell some candy bars at your local supermarket for $5.00 each. You can make more pretending you are pathetic in need of money than performing any viable untrained job. A proven fact is the fake homeless in Boston make more money than experienced workers at McDonald’s.
But if such a sympathy act got through to Vegas, they would not survive two weeks. Vegas and paying customers have no sympathy.
Someone has to realize America voted for a man that forgot his words in a simple song, then sang lame karaoke on his next performance. We are thinking it was a set-up by America’s Got Talent to continue to play the Iraq sympathy act. They realize their talent sucks overall this year. So, to keep people watching, they have to play the heartstrings.
The audience proved that they aren’t completely inept in their voting. They voted in every mediocre talent sympathy act possible. Daniel Jens stunk. The Wright Kids were child karaoke!! Paul Salos does not even compare in talent to the Slippery Kittens gals. Paul is quite a joke and sounds nothing like Sinatra. Good for a wedding act, but Vegas??? Are you serious? But they did vote through the real talent from last week. Zoo-perstars!!
Last week, the show redeemed itself with some real talent and then America voted out most of that talent this week. If it wasn’t for the fact the Zoo-Perstars survived, we would believe Piers had one hell of a fast speed dialer to make sure the junk rose to the top. Every sympathy act won regardless of how horrible they were and some real talent got sent home.
So what pain did we endure in this next 10 of the final 40 in America? Think about that, these are among the top 40 acts of of well over 300 million Americans. It is the best this show could do.
Act 1: Texas State Slutters err Strutters (2/10)
More bad camera action, having no clue where to place the camera. All over the place. My father used to do better with home videos and an 8 mm black and white.
Just like in their first performance, they looked like basic cheerleaders. Three buzzes this time. Took the judges one performance more to figure out these gals belong in a strip club not on stage?
Act 2: Michael Strelo-Smith (6/10)
Fattest singer on the planet. I am not sure what McDonald’s and Dunkin’ Donuts has to do with singing but these folks can sing. But they have to be fed, so it may not be worth the compromise with world hunger what it is.
His voice is good, but he chose a tune that didn’t fit him, I am What I am by Gloria Gaynor, and garners two out of three buzzers by the end. Now, we think he was at least a good singer. To pass through a no-talent like Jens and then vote this guy out demonstrates there is something stupid going on here.
The judges sucked worse. Actually, this time Hasselhoff had the only intelligent statement. Piers and Sharon were dunces. Not because they didn’t vote for him, but because their advice was wrong, useless and had no merit. Personally, I don’t think he is worth a million, but compared to last week’s sympathy acts, he looks like a Zoo-Perstar, and wouldn’t even need the inflatable suit! Whoops.
Act 3: Bruce Block (1/10)
The trick? Cut a horse in half. Brings on a fake horse with a bunch of midgets. So instead of cutting a horse in half, he puts it back together. Box opens and there is a pony inside. Yippie Kae Yo!! Piers buzzed him, the audience was kind. The act was transparent at best. Next.
Act 4: Shequida (1/10)
U-Tranny Bolt – the fastest XXX on the planet!! And yet the judges only gave this spastic fool a single X?
Drag Queen doing Opera version of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”. Horrible.
We have seen more transvestite talent in Provincetown taking a leak in a dirty paper cup.
Act 5: Taubl Family (6/10)
Starts off good with the boys in harmony, singing “Umbrella” by Rihanna.
As the rest of the family joined in, it was harsh. We are not sure what the instruments were for except for the intro. They held them nice. Standing O. Why? Cuz everyone else absolutely sucked.
Act 6: Jonathan Burkin (7/10)
Juggling act. Starts with some flaming batons. Does some awkward flips. Continues to dance like he should be joining the U-Tranny act cheering for a losing football team. He dances to Elton John, which seems to exemplify his sexual taste.
With all the fire, he is a tad entertaining, but we are thinking every cheerleader that has ever practiced with a baton is saying, “I could do that”.
He finishes with a double flip after throwing the baton in the air and catches it. That got the audience really going, but again, it was in comparison to crap, so we don’t know how to judge it.
He didn’t drop any of his batons. He hit every move. He looks overly gay, but hey, as Seinfeild said, “There is nothing wrong with that”. The judges thought it was, as Piers said, “incredible”. But it really wasn’t.
“You are the best baton twirler in the world!!”, said Hasselhoff.
Act 7: Sarah Lenore (9/10)
Sarah is a singer with a guitar she carries for show, but doesn’t apparently know how to play. She loses one point automatically for belonging on Idol if she has any real talent.
She sings “I’m not Ready to Make Nice” and has a great voice. Guitar is a prop, but hey, we have seen that before with better talents than her. She sounds as good as some Carrie Underwear stuff and she is absolutely hot. Great smile. Great Hair. Great look. She has it!!
If it wasn’t for the fact she belongs on Idol not here, she would get 10/10.
Act 8: Sickstep (8/10)
Basketball break dancing? Very well choreographed. Plays to the talents of each performer.
Great coordination. Fun. Loved it. Standing, jumping O!!
Act 9: Matthew Piazzi (7/10)
Matthew is an impersonator. He started with a good Schwartzeneger impersonation, followed by a pretty good Jack Nicholson. Then, a pretty poor Vince Vaughn, and a very good George Clooney.
Then he jumped into a Jerry Lee Lewis song, “Great Balls Of Fire” and lost us a bit, because it wasn’t an impersonation, or at least not a good one. It was fun, the piano was good. He tried to do impersonations while singing, but he was losing the ability to impersonate as he sang. Not sure if it was the tone or he was getting winded.
Standing O though.
Piers, “I think you blew it big time by singing and playing the piano. Great impersonations.” We think he should impersonate Piers.
Hasselhoff the only man with brains in this show. Please, it can’t be!! “I thought you did great”. We did too. Just a bit of fade on the piano. Singing impersonations are very hard.
Act 10: Joseph Hall (8/10)
The girls love him, guys don’t like him. 13 year olds screaming. That is a good sign. He used props and got the audience going.
Tons of dancers, etc. with him. But the voice wasn’t Elvis. Fun act, but if you are supposed to be an Elvis impersonator, we think you should sound like Elvis.
Jailhouse Rock. Good for next week. Standing O!
Sharon thinks he lost his “naughtiness”. Sharon says she likes them dirty and hopes he comes back dirty. LOL.
So here are our choices:
1. Sarah Lenore
3. Joseph Hall
4. Matthew Piazzi
5. Taubl Family
There are really no sympathy acts this week, so we don’t think the audience will diverge much from our selection. They are gullible to the sympathy plays, but when there aren’t any, we think they can pick the best talent.
We should start by saying we loved this show the first year through last. It has found some real talent, brought us a number of diverse acts, and entertained us week after week. We are hoping this year is an anomaly in what has been a consistent winner, but has now become the Jerry Springer freak show.
We would like to see Jerry go as the host. It is hard to take him seriously given his background. All we can think of when we see him is his own personal freak show, in which the typical episode stars two fat women duking it out over the an ugly guy that is cheating on them both with sheep.
The judges we can give some slack. We think the show could stand to get someone with actual talent to be a judge, but in reality, that is not necessary. All of us can recognize talent, so they should be able to do the job. Right?
The show begins informing the audience that there were over 100 acts passed through to Vegas!! They missed the point. Of the 100, least 60 of them were no-talents that did not belong here in the first place.
It is not easy to be a judge on this show, because it is not easy to pick the winner (but the viewing audience does that); that is challenging. It is, however, extremely easy to pick out those that could compete for a chance at performing 45 minutes or more day after day in Las Vegas. They try to make the trivial seem difficult, and it is totally disingenuous.
We have decided we are likely to cut this show if it does not improve big time. It is not sincere and most of what they discover and play up is garbage. It is much more beneficial to our audience if we spend time on genuine reality shows, and will likely spend our time focusing our future articles on the Olympics, the American Idols and other reality that is genuine, not Jerry Springer farces.
Back to the show. They now tried to play up the Elvis impersonator, Joseph Hall. After the “should we pass him through” nonsense act, and a bunch of patronizing filler, they pass him through. How many commercials did that justify?
Is 90 minutes up yet, please????!!!! Nope, not yet. They emulate the audition climaxes in American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. They bring on the Chippendale singer, and play him up for all it is worth. And the decision is? Sharon says, “We are definitely giving you a place in our semi-final”. Why? We hear there are male strip joints in Hollywood, so if he doesn’t make it on this show, we know not all is lost. Sharon made sure she got his phone number as she slipped a twenty into his trousers.
It is time to play up the child acts, which is pathetic exploitation of children. And they send a mediocre child singer to Hollywood that has no prayer of winning. They all cuddle up with her as though she is their granddaughter. Pathetic. But they gave her tokens for the slots and black jack in Vegas, so that was cool!!
Now they whip through several acts and crush the dreams of folks that eat too many donuts!
Time for two twin sisters, “Indigo”! They come on wearing nearly nothing, and Hasselhoff eyes light up as usual. They get sent on to Hollywood, after Hasselhoff offers dinner to Sharon and Piers to see if he can bed the twins before they get sent packing.
Now it is time for the sympathy acts. They have elderly and more children crying before the commercial. OK, we are all set for the tears. We are crying already from enduring this show!! So why shouldn’t the children cry too?
“It is my last chance” says a pouting Paul Salos. Sorry if we spelled it wrong, because this show cannot afford to use subtitles. It is his last chance!!! Of course it is, the guy is 74 years old!! We figure that Paul can get some great birthday performances to assist him in his retirement. “My wife loves me so much she put my picture on a stamp”. Yeah, that costs about two bucks these days, but that is about what your act is worth!! They let him through, but it wasn’t because of talent. More sympathy votes.
They then send a couple of obligatory pathetic child acts through to Hollywood to play on the audience’s heartstrings. We are getting sick of this show taking advantage of children and the elderly to try and make their show seem sympathetic, while collecting millions in commercial revenues. Find us talent. As Hasselhoff says about two times a show, “THAT IS WHAT THIS SHOW IS ALL ABOUT!!!”. If this show just focused on the target, they would get there!! Last year was great, they did their jobs. This year, they are not!!
So now, the writers figure, let’s play up the Iraq angle again. The soldier performed last week and forgot the words, but this show hasn’t exploited him enough just yet. The minimal talent soldier gets sent to Hollywood, How can the show vote through someone that has no real talent, cannot win, and cannot even remember the words to a song? We get it now, talent does not matter. Just go to Iraq or get some other angle that the show can exploit, and you get to the finals!!! Talent is irrelevant. We suggest that become the new title of the show!!! “Talent Is Irrelevant”. What do you think?
They then work through a bunch of acts we cannot cover. We are sorry, they did it so fast, that if they were even half way decent, they could have spent five minutes on them instead of so much time on the self-aggrandizing judges.
They still haven’t gotten it yet. Our readers are disgusted with how misogynistic these judges are. We want talent. They are not it!! Try and convince us what you have found is worth 20 minutes of consecutive commercials!!
Queen Emily gets a cameo that is long enough for us to actually catch her name. “I have waited for this moment for over 25 years!” Folks, the woman is 40 years old. Her dream of a diet probably started long after age 15. The judges put her through, and played up the nonsense through a commercial set before they did so. Could they be any more condescending towards the audience?
So they patronize us some more passing through a few more token performers to Hollywood, making us all feel how kind and loving the judges are. In the next ten minutes, they whip through act after act, and they quickly eliminate people that should never have passed the original audition in the first place. They break to more commercials playing to your emotions, or stupidity, as you are convinced to buy a new car or a specific brand of toothpaste.
They did eventually turn to the Brittney transvestite. Jerry paid to get her through to the finals and plans a future show with her, uh him, uh it, acting as the mistress to two fat guys both married to the same hooker. Her jockstrap was shining, and we are sure Jerry was proud. She said “All they have to do is put their mind to it” as she caressed her Cubic Zirconia dog collar. Wow.
We just had to stop. There was no talent on this show. The judges were pathetic, the show was worse. It was all a play on the heartstrings of America, but there was no Terry Fator in this crowd. We said to watch the final, don’t bother. Watch the Olympics. That is reality television. This is a joke.