Tonight, AGT was better than usual thanks to President Bush. AGT compacted the show and reduced the commercial count because the President had used up a ton of time to tell us how badly the economy is doing and how they want a scant 700 billion bucks to save the day. How did it happen? We don’t know, but we aren’t thinking too many people would vote for Bush in this competition.
We were grateful for the result though. AGT was short, compact, tight, quick and entertaining. Normally it would have been so drawn out, and it was so much better with the judges being quick and Jerry talking much less, awesome.
Now the acts.
Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)
As usual, very dynamic with tons of energy, and, with help, the only act that could do a Vegas performance someone might pay for long term. The audience loved it. The judges stood for the ovation. An amazing performance after which it took a while to calm the audience. Their biggest problem. They went first. That is a very tough slot to win when the voters can’t vote until the end of the show. We didn’t give them the highest score because they are depending more and more on hired hands. Other dancers and performers to enhance their performance. We suppose that is normal for Vegas, but for us it cheapens the act.
Donald Braswell (6/10)
“You Raise Me Up” after I have fallen asleep listening to you. Donald sings “nice”, We could see him doing the national anthem nationwide, I could see him doing Broadway, We could see him doing anything but a concert weekly in Vegas that anyone would want to see. Sorry Donald. You sing great. Honest. But the judges even looked asleep at the end.
Neil E. Boyd (8/10)
They cleared the stage for Neil. They had to because he wouldn’t fit on one stage otherwise. But the adjustment was something they would have to do for Queen Emily anyway. Neil has a hamburger eating competition next week if this doesn’t work out. He listened to the judges and did some incredibly boring opera. And you know, maybe if someone is looking for a real huge man to sing Opera, he will do fine. He has a quality voice and could perform in Opera just about anywhere, but he could not have his own show on Vegas. Maybe a permanent Opera show though, something that centered on him but was a much bigger show. That could work. But we are not sure enough America will recognize it, and they would need a massive stage to hold him and anyone else.
Eli Mattson (9/10)
Time for some Phil Collins, “Against All Odds”. Eli had a problem with tonight’s song, which has to do with a disappearing voice at the beginning and end of verses. We think it could be just be a proper microphone adjustment because of his style. Eli has a lot of inflection in his voice that leads to soft and louder moments that are part of his technique. But the microphone cannot be set flat or it doesn’t pick up his voice on the softer moments. Eli was great, but has one major problem; he is no Vegas act. So, what do you vote for? Talent or Vegas?
Queen Emily (6/10)
We said when we originally saw her, “It ain’t over until the fat lady sings”. Well, they are once again going to have Emily sing last. An advantage clearly, but so far, we haven’t thought much of her talent since her first week. She had a chance to choose a killer song, and chose a boring one. “One Moment In Time” is a classic, but it is boring and has to be driven by an incredible voice. Emily doesn’t have it. Back to donuts.
Here is our selection:
Eli was once again better than anyone on the stage. He needs a quality microphone, but overall, no one touches his creativity and talent.
A dark horse is Nuttin But Stringz, but they went first and by the end, America may forget to vote for them. We think they are the only unique act left so deserve the votes to at least be close with Eli even if they don’t win.
Neil was great, and if you could picture a long running Opera show on Vegas, Neil could pull it off as the center of that show, but it would have to be a large show. Very large.
Eli and Nuttin But Stringz are so close that it could go either way. We will leave it for you to pick.
One major complaint. There are more commercials between each act on this show than there are acts in the entire show. It is pathetic. This is a 30 minute show that lasts two hours, and the number of commercials is abusive.
We were right. 5 out of 5 this week. We hate to blow our own horn, (that is not true, we love to blow our own horn), but we were 4 out of 5 the past two weeks.
Nuttin But Stringz
So, now for this week.
We have decided this week we should not comment on the judges at all, or Jerry. They are just distractions at this point from the talent, and they could be eliminated from the show entirely along with the commercials.
As this show gets closer to the end, the talent gets much harder to judge. Not only is it usually pretty darned good by this stage in the competition, it is so diverse. How do you judge a magic act against a singer against a choreographed set of dancers.
We have no idea, but we do our best. Terry Fator was a standout way above the crowd last season, but we don’t see a specific standout this year, although we do have our favorites.
Lets’ go baby.
1. Cadence (8/10)
We didn’t like Cadence last week. Their Blue Man Group imitation was cheesy, and their act way too loose versus their initial tight act. They were all over the stage last week, and instead of focusing on a small set of instruments, they tried to play everything percussion under the sun. They got voted through, but it wasn’t good and they were not on our list to even make the top 20.
This week…they were tight. Back to limited instruments; they brought in a real popular rap song. Sounded like noise early, but then got it together as they focused. Still a bit too spread out, but we blame that again on the horrible camera men on AGT. The end was great. They all played in close proximity on plastic buckets. That is what got these guys started; get away from the bull. Good show. Vegas? Maybe.
2. Queen Emily (6/10)
Too corny of an intro. She says her whole life has changed, but we don’t think her diet has.
Last week Emily buried herself in the background of the Supremes and we said she had to sing by herself this week to keep on. She did, but it had no energy.
She sang a slow song. She sang it nice. She is going home.
3. The Wright Kids (8/10)
You know, we don’t like kid acts and last week, these kids were kind of flat and karaoke. So, we weren’t surprised they sang a song focused more on a kid’s voice. “Rockin’ Robin”. This song was written specifically for a kid’s voice and they did it much better. We liked them a bunch. Lead was still a tad flat. But fun.
4. James Gang (7/10)
We like this group of guys. Their Broadway talent is there and the dancing is great, but the singing isn’t there. So what do you do? Send them home. Sorry guys.
5. Daniel Jens (2/10)
The Army asked Dan to re-enlist. Piers thinks he should. We do too. You shouldn’t have gotten this far Daniel. You stink. Bye.
6. Zoo-Perstars (8/10)
You know, the judges don’t get this act at all. It is hysterical fun and total satire. But when someone does not get satire, you can’t explain it, and Piers is not smart enough to get it. Oh well. He didn’t have to for this performance. We loved it. We laughed; we cried. But they needed to take the costumes to something stratospheric. A Hillary inflatable or something creative, but we were still laughing our heads off. These guys are great. A Walrus break dancing on one hand in an inflatable outfit deserves extra points.
7. Neil E. Boyd (9/10)
This guy is a Zoo-perstar. We mean it. This guy is so big that he is as large as any of the inflatable Zoo-Perstars, so perhaps he is exactly what that act would need to excel.
While Neil looks like he eats about ten salamis a day, he can sing. His voice is powerful, you can’t get away from it. His presence is HUGE!! Whoops. Sorry.
8. Jessica Price (6/10)
When you perform a song that is the key hit of a star, you get compared to that star. Colbie Caillat does the song Jessica chose; it is Colbie’s earmark, and it is fantastic to hear live. Jessica’s guitar was amateur at best. The lyrics were off tune. The chills Colbie’s song gives you just weren’t there. Sorry Jessica. You are cute. But that ain’t gonna cut it this week. Try a coffee shop. Bye.
9. Extreme Dance Fx (8/10)
These guys are fun. Always have been. They clog well, the choreography is consistently good. They were a step above where they were last week. Great. We are not sure clogging is where it is at in Vegas, but we couldn’t take our eyes off this act. They were much stronger this week, and they earned the points.
Here’s a sample of their act from last week’s:
10. Paul Salos (8/10)
It was funny, the judges did not like Paul this week, and we thought he was better. He did “Come Fly With Me” and he sounded like Frank this week. Last week he didn’t. We didn’t give him the elderly pity vote this week. We think he earned the points.
So, what does that leave at the top?
1. Neil E. Boyd
2. Wright Kids
3. Paul Salos
4. Extreme Dance Fx
Oh no, we have to have an elimination. And it isn’t easy. The bottom of the barrel here is the top of the bottom. Neil is a shoe-in and easy. The other five are so close in our minds that we cannot separate them easily.
We have to cut out one, and even though we liked him this week, we don’t think he has an act that will have staying power. We are going to say goodbye to Paul Salos, with a very close vote with Cadence and the Zoo-Perstars. We believe all three are so close, any one could be sent packing or continue hacking.
It was time, finally time, for America’s Got Talent to show America they listened to the criticism at myrealitytelevision.com, because it is criticism we read throughout the internet, and it is from our readers and others like you. Week after week, people were getting ready to give up on how pathetic this show had become and told us why. We told AGT, and we think they got the point, either through us or through the web.
Any way you cut it, tonight things were different. We liked the format of the show from the start, eliminating last week’s introductory noise, and for the fist time in weeks, we preferred the show to the commercials.
It is possible the Olympic break gave AGT’s choreographers a chance to use their noggins and earn their pay. We hope this lasts through the finale.
Last night, we called 4 out of 5. Our only mistake was Cadence. We think they weren’t good enough, but we were looking at a bunch of mediocre cowboy dancers as competition, so that could have gone either way
Neal E. Boyd
Extreme Dance FX
We want to give the audience huge credit for voting out the little girl stunt show. They saw right through the nonsense. She had a great cry for the cameras, and it warmed our hearts to see her go for the James Gang who actually have some talent.
Well, NOW let’s get on to this week…
1. Beyond Belief Dance Company (8/10)
21 Cheerleaders that call themselves dancers. They needed a whining cameo. “Oh we have sprained ankles, whine whine”. The Acrobatics were OK. They had good choreography, not great, and were a bit random at times. They were in sync for the most part. It was difficult to rate them because of the poor camera work by NBC. A large show like this requires you be able to see the entire act, and it was difficult because they didn’t keep the wide angle on, and the camera crew judged what they thought was important. That is not good for a show where the audience is supposed to vote. We did, however, get a great cliché from Sharon. “You have to take it to a higher level”. D’uh Thanks Sharon. Who doesn’t? It was good fun. And better than anything last night.
2. Paul Salos (7/10)
Sinatra Impersonator. Paul is an elderly sympathy act at 72. He isn’t bad, and starts off in a Sinatra-like suit with some ladies with canes having a Vegas appeal. We give Paul credit, he actually does the singing; this is at least Karaoke, not just lip sync! He did “My Way”. Now, you have to hear Sinatra to know this guy doesn’t sound much like him, but he is fun, and he has his moments. So we have to put him through. The finale kept him from getting a higher score. Frank never said “My WEEE”. If not for the finale, he would be tied with BBDC. Judges played up to him, but if this guy is worth a million bucks, our website is with 2 million. It took forty years for this guy to get this far, and for his ears to get this big.
3. Kazual (7/10)
Temptations like group. The sneakers and outfits did not look good. Good synchronization. Good finish. A bit flat at times. Piers buzzed them and said exactly what we thought. Good harmonies, but the solos weren’t good enough. Fun stuff though.
4. Zoo-perstars. (9/10)
Inflatable Dancers. They look like team mascots. There was a hysterical cameo. It was totally sarcastic of the show’s condescending whining cameos. The leader said, “This competition means everything to us. We have dedicated our lives, sacrificed our families, our friends…”, all while in an inflatable chipmunk outfit. We were already laughing at all the pathetic heart-string sob stories in earlier AGT cameos. “America will vote for us because we are pretty, short and sweet.”
We already did!!
Piers said “This is not Talent”, but he totally missed the point of the Zoo-perstars. It was a satire of everything stupid in America’s Got Talent! Piers buzzed them immediately. They danced to Macho Man in inflated mascot outfits and had us in hysterics. The chipmunk leader completed the YMCA signature move with his feet while standing on his head. For the finale, the inflatable snail eats one of the crew. Even Piers was reluctantly laughing at the end. Standing O!!!
Piers showed Springer is not the only narcissist on the show; he actually told the audience to shut up? Piers, don’t be a condescending prick or you WILL be deported. Our only complaint about the act is they could have used funnier inflatable costumes, like an inflatable Hillary. If they were to pull off a couple of more creative inflatable costumes, these guys could win a million bucks!!
5. The Wright Kids. (7/10)
No sob story cameo. Basic family story. Good job. Kind of a child sympathy act, but good. They did a Monkey’s tune, “Daydream Believer”. First kid’s singing was a bit flat. They look like they are playing instruments, maybe they are, but the background drowns them out. In fact, you can’t hear the kids instruments at all. Really, it is karaoke, but cute. Standing O.
6. Jonathan Arons (7/10)
Good cameo, tough to get recognition, something new and fresh. Again, good job. No sob story. No my dog died or I stepped on my pet caterpillar to string us along.
Jonathan plays a trombone with dancing. Unique act. Only mediocre trombone, but that is a small part of the act. The performance is much better than the trombone. Lots of fun background dancing. The act was funny and performed to “Dancing in September”. They did a Lawrence Welk style “Overhead flower”. Piers, as much as we hate to say it, said it all. He said Jon was “One sandwich short of a picnic, but you’re also incredibly entertaining…”. Sharon added, “Great Fun”.
7. Specialist Daniel Jens (6/10)
Daniel is nothing but an Iraq Sympathy Act. He actually forgot his words in his prior performance and if this show were real, would not be where he is. He finally did a good cameo, not a whining act like the first. His performance was in a rising mist (amazing what you can do with dry ice) and the guitar was actually in tune. It was the chorus where he showed how poor a performer he really is. At that point, he gave up his guitar and showed that none of the music was actually his, it is a CD. Daniel has a fan cluster in fatigue T-shirts that say “America’s got Jens”, but he has no real talent. Piers tells him like it is, he does not have the voice to play in Vegas, or anywhere else. We give Jens credit for trying to finally be genuine here, no tear-jerking bull, but we never liked him.
8. Slippery Kittens (7/10)
This is a middle aged burlesque show. There was a good cameo. No crybaby antics. “We are going to show you burlesque like it has never been done before”.
They started with sexy boy scout outfits in miniskirts. These gals do have gams, and other attributes. Great choreography! Fun, but not exceptional talent. Great for a USO performance though!! Our troops would LOVE these gals!! They finally discarded their boy scout uniforms for Red White and Blue outfits that look like bathing suits. Piers buzzed because he hates everything American, but it was fun stuff. Not a million bucks worth, but fun. Standing O. Too many tattoos on the leader, but legs! This clearly played to the Oedipus complex, and did a pretty good job.
These gals will appeal to middle aged men throughout America! MILFS.
9. George the Giant (5/10)
This is a 7’3″ guy that does weird things. He said in his cameo, he only fits in on the stage. Nice cameo. No sob story. Says he went to the hospital trying to perform his upcoming act. “If that means risking my life, that is what I am going to do”. Not unrealistic for a million bucks.
George came in chained, looking like Harry Houdini. He strung himself upside down and then blew it. He had kids brought in to beat him like a pinata. Piers buzzed him immediately. Sharon followed. He escapes from his chains while being beaten by a fat woman with a baseball bat and coughs up a ton of candy. Judges look on in shock. Funny for 30 seconds, but no Vegas act.
10. Queen Emily (8/10)
Once again, it isn’t over until the “Fat Lady” sings. This gal can whale. Whoops…wale. Sorry. “This is a dream come true”. Not a horrible cameo. No real sob story. “Nothing is impossible.” Corny, but not stupid.
Emily came out dressed like Queen Latifah in a long red dress that has a cape with tons of cubic zirconia. Her performance was to “Aint no Mountain High Enough”. The long red dress looks good, and she fills it. Emily had good supporting dancing and got a standing O.
Piers called her a superstar. Someone that can beat Michael Phelps. Piers has to have someone tell him how stupid he sounds. He just demonstrated his total contempt for Amymerica. Making any comparison of this woman to a man that just set the world record for most gold medals in an Olympics after 36 years is like comparing a breath mint to the cure for Polio. It is downright stupid. “You are now absolutely the front runner.”, Piers blathered (we are not so sure about that). At first, the performance sounds great, but a review of the performance makes one realize the Queen is little more than Karaoke. Her singing was drowned out by the background which was mostly the original Supremes.
Here are our picks:
1. Zoo-perstars. No false hype. No nonsense. This is just hysterical fun. These guys are great comics. Piers misses the point entirely. 2. Queen Emily. A bit of Karaoke. We know she can sing, but she has to do it next time on her own or she won’t be here. 3. Beyond Belief Dance Company. We liked them because they were nothing but true effort and talent. 4. Slippery Kittens. We liked the show for its “Desperate Housewives” feel. Some hot women dancing and performing burlesque. It isn’t new, but it sure isn’t tired like many of the acts on this show. Great job ladies. 5. Jonathan Arons. We have no idea why this guy sticks in our minds, but he was fun. We laughed, we cried, well, we at least laughed. He is funnier than the two presidential candidates by a long shot. So we stuck with him.
What we think the audience will vote for:
1. Queen Emily
3. The Wright Kids (unless they can see around the child sympathy act again)
4. Paul Zalos
5. Slippery Kittens
The show started just like a “Girls Gone Wild” commercial. We were waiting for the 2 for 9.95 DVD offer at the end. We were certainly hoping the performers would have more talent than the choreographers of this show.
This was supposedly LIVE!! With a couple of exceptions, the show was rather dead.
Acts by numbers with scores:
1. Xtreme Dance FX (6/10)
Fun act. One guy and eight gals clogging and breaking a bit. Won over Peirs, which is not easy to do. The stupid comment of the night came from guess who? He said they all looked just too young. They have 5 year olds on the friggin’ show they patronize, and this group of 14-26 year olds are too young? I am not even going to say the guys’ name; you know who he is.
2. James Gang (6/10)
Again a fun act. Four guys that do a Broadway Style show to 20s music throwing in some rap-like singing and some amateur magic. Of course, there was one loser judge that exclaimed in the massively overused cliche, “That is what this show is about!!”. Again, we are not going to grace this page with his name.
3. Derrick Barry as “Brittranny” Spears (3/10)
Mediocre female impersonator that lip syncs and dances with some others to a Brittany song. He does look like a girl. If that was what it would take to be a millionaire performer on Vegas, some of the street walkers would have something to say about it. We suggest he change his act’s name to Britranny!
4. Elite (5/10)
A young girl that pretends to do stunts with guys that throw themselves all over the stage. It is cute. But it is only being voted through because it is a child sympathy act. If she were an adult, she would be booed off the stage.
5. Ronny B (2/10)
Vote for this guy just to annoy the judges. He is going to go on the new reality show “So You Think You Can Spaz” next year. Lousy singing, spastic dancing, and a cornball look. What else would you want to pay for in Vegas? Piers did get it right though saying, “You’re better than Hasselhoff”. Alright, we didn’t say his name, Peirs did!
6. Cadence (5/10)
Cadence had an interesting act when they first performed with just plastic buckets. It was tight and showed some personality. In this act, they brought on drum sets, oversized bongos, etc. They were all over the place and just making noise. Then they tried to do a “Blue Man Group” imitation by smashing on buckets with water on top (so original) and they lost us completely. No talent here.
7. Jessica Price (7/10)
This girl is a very attractive young guitarist that has a mediocre voice. She did a horrible version of Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper). The chorus was strong and she was better than anyone else thus far. But we still think singers belong on Idol not here. This is for unique acts, not more singers, especially not mediocre ones.
8. Shim Shee (5/10)
Parlor Card Trick that was so obvious how it works that it amazed us that only Peirs called him out on it. If it wasn’t for the back-flip getting the card to stick to the shoe, he may have gotten a 3.
9. DC Cowboys (6/10)
Sync dancing in cheap suits. Piers X’ed em. Poor coordination, weak choreography, some cheap gymnastics. Somewhat fun for a cheap wedding act. Got their shirts off. At least they are buff. Sharon liked the bodies and enthusiasm.
10. Neal “Fatboy” E. boyd. (9/10)
“My Mom always knew all I ever need out of life was encouragment…”. We agree Neal, along with about 10000 calories worth of pizza and junk food a day. “The night before she died, my grandmother got to see me sing on the show…my very first audition, she says to me, you did good darlin’ you did real good, next day, she was gone.” The tear jerker cameo. Oh brother.
Fortunately, he gave up the cry baby act and finally sang. If he cut the patronizing cameo nonsense, we would have enjoyed him much more. The performance was boring, but the voice is powerful. He got a standing O. We don’t like singers on the show, we think they should be on Idol if they are any good, but there was such little other talent on this show, we will take Neal over the rest.
Our top 5
1. Neal E Boyd
2. Jessica Price
3. DC Cowboys
4. Xtreme Dance FX
5. James Gang
How we think America will vote
1. Neal E Boyd
2. Jessica Price
5. James Gang
But really, other than Neal and Jessica, none have any talent, and not even the top two are Las Vegas draws.