9/10 Review & Prediction: America’s Got Talent!! Be Your Own Judge!

The show started with the greatest new act we have seen period. Terry Fator!! He brought on our favorite turtle to sing for Sharon. Winston did a great Marvin Gaye tune. No one knows how Terry does this. He sings better than some we have seen on American Idol, without moving his lips and through a puppet.

Terry then brought out Maynard Thomkins, an Elvis impersonator which was specifically related to the later talent, Joseph Hall, that actually does his own Elvis impersonation. You know, Terry can do anybody. He can impersonate Frank, Elvis, even the great Roy Orbison and have you feeling his puppet is an awesome singer. We may be able to eliminate all other acts on this show and just make them into Terry Fator puppets. Great performance Terry. 100 million bucks? It wasn’t enough.

No we would like to explain our title. You should be your own judge on this show because the judges are all useless. Piers is a pompous Simon Cowell wannabe that should just be discarded as the buffoon he truly is. Sharon has an edge, but brings little to the show. And Hasselhoff should go back to talking to cars. Jerry, most of all, is a waste of air time. So, you can save huge amounts of time watching the acts without listening to the judges at all. And the show is infinitely better!! Be your own judge.

Act 1: Sick Step (8/10)

When we were in Boston this past week-end we saw some break dancers at Quincy Market. They were all pretty good, and it was fun, but you can see the difference with Sick Step. They are pros, well choreographed and fun. The synchronization was great and each dancer seems to bring a strength. None are just filler. They are as good as some of the So You Think you can Dance Breakers, and we genuinely love them.

Act 2: Donald Braswell (7/10)

OK, this guy can sing huge. His voice is spectacular, but what comes to mind as he performs is his name should be Donald Boresustohell. The music is totally yesterday. But he has a niche. He could perform on Broadway or in a Broadway show and kill it. He did a Phantom of the Opera song and it was spectacular. We just find him boring and think America will as well, fake tan or no.

Act 3: Joseph Hall (8/10)

Joseph is an Elvis impersonator. In this show, he had some classic Elvis style and moves. He also had the song down fairly well, Suspicious Minds. But he doesn’t have the voice on the power notes. But he has every girl in the audience standing or on their knees screaming for him.

His tan actually looks real and his chest shaved. He gets a point just for his looks. Women will love this guy and he is a draw. But in comparison to Maynard Thomkins, we don’t think he is that much better talent wise. Tough call.

Act 4: Taubl Family (6/10)

New Title, the In Trouble Family. The women came on and sang. The lead was good, but the harmonies were awful early. As the boys came in, they were strong again, and the boys were the stars last week that pulled it off for them, but you know what? They lost. Next.

Act 5: Sarah Lenore (8/10)

This gal belongs on Idol. She has the talent and look to pull it off. She may not win, but she could give most Idol’s a run for their money. She chose a ridiculously popular song to sing. She chose “Bleeding Love”, by Leona Lewis. And as we mentioned last night, that gets you compared to the original, and that makes it real tough to judge. But we loved it. She made it her own, put on a “live” performance of the song and was fantastic. Sara is beautiful and a hot performer. She can definitely be a star.

Act 6: Nuttin But Stringz (9/10)

OK, you just have to see these guys. They are great. It seems simple. A couple of violins and some dance moves and overall, it just seems like a losing act. Then you watch it, and you take them to the top. They draw you in and up. We have no idea what it is. We have heard better violin. We have seen better dancing. We have seen better choreography. We haven’t seen a better act (except Terry).

Act 7: Kaitlyn Maher (7/10)

This act is difficult for us, and we are sure it is difficult for America. The girl is incredibly cute, but that isn’t a reason to vote for her; well it is, but it would have to be purely for child sympathy. But Kaitlyn has something else. She is 4 and remembers every word of difficult songs. She walks and waves in this way that is so cute you know it is practiced, and she pulls it off wonderfully. Even more stunning is she hits every verse with perfect timing. This is something many professionals fail at. Her only failure is also in her youth. We cannot compare her talent to that of adults. If this was America’s Got Talent for Children, she would win. But how can we give her the same ranking as someone like Sarah Lenore? We just can’t. We are not sure if America will, but we wouldn’t feel too bad if she made the finals.

Act 8: Tapping Dads (8/10)

Wow, these guys really brought it tonight. Great choreography, fantastic showmanship. We could see them on Vegas. They know who the star is, and they know how to play off him. Their synchronization, perfect. We raised them a point watching them again. We had them going home this week, but now we are not so sure. They hit it and they deserve a berth in the finals, but so do so many others!!

Act 9: Eli Mattson (9/10)

Eli had a couple of mild intonation problems at the beginning, but the piano was great and he killed the verse. He picked a very difficult song by Alicia Keys. “If I Ain’t Got You”.

We liked his version better. He loses one point because he belongs on Idol. But then again, his piano is killer so maybe his diversity says he belongs here. Eli will have a CD out soon, we can feel it.

Some people want it all Eli. Some people just have it all. Congrats guy.

Act 10: Jonathan Burkin (9/10)

Baton Twirler Wizard. (Performed to “Pinball Wizard”). Jonathan brings together a world of talent. At first you see a guy twirling batons, and you think it is kind of corny, but really, as you watch it closely, you get it. The guy is a massively talented juggler; he just uses batons. He is a gymnast, executing flips and complicated dance moves with aplomb while juggling. And the guy is a major showman, but he does it in jeans and a T-Shirt! Jonathan is a finalist. Period. If he drops the baton once, he is doomed, but he hasn’t yet.

Our picks:

1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Sarah Lenore
5. Tapping Dads
6. Joseph Hall
7. Sick Stuff

Not again. Another tie breaker. OK, 1-3 are golden. No removing them from the top 10. So who goes from the remaining 4? The acts from last night and tonight will be voted upon together, which confuses things even more. Going back to our review from last night, our only 9/10 act was Neil E Boyd. So, that picks 4/10 from the two nights for us.

1. Jonathan Burkin
2. Eli Mattson
3. Nuttin But Strings
4. Neil Boyd

Leaving 6 more, and we have so many that were so very close. Here are our remaining picks for the top 10.

5. Sarah Lenore
6. Joseph Hall
7. The Wright Kids
8. Extreme Dance FX
9. Tapping Dads
10. Sick Step

Possible Alternates

1. Paul Salos
2. Kaitlyn Maher
3. Donald Braswell

9/03 Season 3: America’s Got Talent Is Decent Again, STOP THE PRESSES!!

W e had one error in last night’s picks. The baton twirler, Jonathan Berkin, got through over Matthew Piazzi. We were real close on those two having them both ranked at 7/10, but decided that impersonations were more likely to make an hour long Vegas act than baton twirling. We also think Jonathan needs to dress up his act. Not the batons, etc. Himself. He needs some pizzazz! But he got voted through.

So once again, we had four out of five.

Winners from Last Night:

1. Jonathan Berkin
2. Sarah Lenore
3. Joseph Hall
4. Taubl Family
5. Sickstep

Now for tonight’s performers:

1. The Dallas Desperados Dancers (5/10)

Just cheerleaders. Buzz by Piers. Then Sharon. Of course Hasselhoff wouldn’t buzz young women in skimpy outfits, but he should have. Lame choreography, bad even for an average high school cheerleader team.

Overall, *TGFFF.

2. Bryan Cheatham (5/10)

Chippendale that thinks he can sing. Super Corny Intro. Sang “You Are My Everything”. Kind of flat in parts. Buzz 1 Piers. Not good. Back to the Jock Strap tips for this guy. Sharon says, “Cut the crap.” To get voted on, he would have to cheat ’em.

3. Flambeaux (5/10)

Fire Eater. Starts off cool. Then drags a bit and gets a buzz by Sharon, then Piers.
Audience booing. Overall, pretty dumb. Three buzzes.

4. Kaitlyn Maher (6/10)

4 year old mostly Child Sympathy Act. “I feel wike a big pwincess”. Sang “What a Wonderful World”. Off key, but majorly cute. So, if you vote for singing and karaoke, she is a 2, if you vote cute, she is a an 8. Audience goes nuts. Judges play up to her pathetically. Even Jerry takes advantage of the schmoozing.

5. Dorae Saunders (3/10)

Cheap Lip Sync Act Female Impersonator trying to look like Tina Turner. More proof that this is just a freak show by bringing on the third transvestite or transexual act in the top 40! We don’t think Kaitlyn was a transvestite, but you never know at her age. So it could be four! He does Disco Inferno. Piers buzzed early, the others didn’t buzz at all. They all should have. Pathetic lip sync. Sharon says she loves her. Oh brother. “Only in America can a transsexual play it live to 20 million people and pull it off”, exclaimed Hasselhoff. Well, David, we are not sure what she was pulling off, but it wasn’t this act. But we are certain she (it) can perform for you and pull it off.

6. Donald Braswell (7/10)

Big Sob Story after getting to come back as the Wild Card. America supposedly picked him, so let’s hear it. “To Dream The Impossible Dream”. Strong voice, good fake tan, we would not pay for him, but he was good and on key. Standing O. But Sharon hit it. The shows like Lawrence Welk aren’t on anymore and they are likely the only forum where Donald would be relevant. We have a job for him, he would make a great puppet for Terry Fator!!

7. Indiggo Twins (4/10)

Cute gals, that do a kinky dance act and sing. Hasselhoff says they are like vampires. We will see if they suck. Buzz right away by Piers. What else is new. Audience is booing within seconds. We know Hasselhoff will never buzz gals in skimpy outfits no matter how bad they are. But Hasselhoff was right about the vampire thing, they suck.

8. Tapping Dads (7/10)

Finally, these guys will get to do their act. They have hidden this act for weeks. Piers does not like them. Starts good. Nice sync. Good choreography. Buzz by Piers. But the audience disagrees and loves them. If the cameras would stay on the act, we could better judge them, but we liked them. Fun stuff. Piers is an idiot. Sharon saw it and tried to throttle him.

9. Eli Mattson (9/10)

Piano Player singer. Gets a one point deduction automatically for belonging on American Idol if he is indeed any good. Has a style similar to Marc Kohn. In fact, Eli did one of Marc’s songs last week. His Piano is good, his voice on key, and he has it all. Right on point. Guy is great. He would have a shot on Idol. Standing O.

Eli’s Version of Walking on Memphis.

10. Nuttin But Stringz (8/10)

Two guys that play the violin. Starts off good. Fun stuff. Building violin play, kind of intense, kind of corny. Piers says they are the favorite act in the competition. They are quite good, although a very odd act.

OK, the picks for us are pretty easy. The talent was totally evident.
1. Eli Mattson
2. Nuttin But Stringz
3. Tapping Dads
4. Donald Braswell
5. Kaitlyn Maher

We don’t need to play the child sympathy game this week, because the child sympathy act actually made it in by a hair into our top 5 because the bottom five acts were so horrible. But she will be out next week.

Eli has greatness built into his voice. Get him on Idol!!

*TGFFF: Thank gad for fast forward

9/02 Season 3: America’s Got Pity (Talent), Sympathy Acts Win, Long Tiring Show

T he show begins with the weakest talent on this or any other show, Jerry Springer. Quite honestly, he is a major detriment to this show.  Where is Ryan Seacrest when you need him?

They break to a ton of performers saying it is their dream to win, I’ve come so far, blah blah blah.

What strikes us overall as this show progresses is that the judges continually pass through acts that do not belong on the show, just to bash or buzz them later.  How could they have been so stupid to let through some of these acts in the first place?   And then later criticize the talent they strapped us with because they were too soft or lazy to knock them off in the first place?  Was talent really sparse in the entire United States this year or is this show getting incredibly lazy?

We got to *TGFFF as Jerry and the Judges try to make themselves look important.

The acts from last week that get to go on were a total joke.  The audience got suckered into every bad sympathy act there is and skipped some real talent in the process.  We are suggesting they change the name of the show to “America’s Got Pity” with this set of selections.  But honestly, we have come to anticipate an audience that votes for sympathy acts, and this is very close to what we thought the audience would vote for…but it wasn’t who deserved to win.

1. Paul Salos (America falls for the Elderly Sympathy Act)
2. Wright Kids (Child Sympathy minimal talent act)
3. Daniel Jens (Iraq Sympathy no talent act)
4. Queen Emily
5. Zoo-Perstars

Our only error in what we suggested that an audience vulnerable to sympathy acts would vote for was “Slippery Kittens”.  We honestly thought they would pick at least some talent in between the silly sympathy plays, but the audience even picked Daniel Jens again, showing how pathetically vulnerable America is to pity.

Daniel has no talent.  He does not belong here.  How the audience could vote for him and actually think he had a prayer of playing in Vegas is beyond us, but sympathy works.  America loves charity, so make sure you sell some candy bars at your local supermarket for $5.00 each.  You can make more pretending you are pathetic in need of money than performing any viable untrained job.  A proven fact is the fake homeless in Boston make more money than experienced workers at McDonald’s.

But if such a sympathy act got through to Vegas, they would not survive two weeks.  Vegas and paying customers have no sympathy.

Someone has to realize America voted for a man that forgot his words in a simple song, then sang lame karaoke on his next performance.  We are thinking it was a set-up by America’s Got Talent to continue to play the Iraq sympathy act.  They realize their talent sucks overall this year.  So, to keep people watching, they have to play the heartstrings.

The audience proved that they aren’t completely inept in their voting.  They voted in every mediocre talent sympathy act possible.  Daniel Jens stunk.  The Wright Kids were child karaoke!!  Paul Salos does not even compare in talent to the Slippery Kittens gals.  Paul is quite a joke and sounds nothing like Sinatra.  Good for a wedding act, but Vegas??? Are you serious?  But they did vote through the real talent from last week.  Zoo-perstars!!

Last week, the show redeemed itself with some real talent and then America voted out most of that talent this week.  If it wasn’t for the fact the Zoo-Perstars survived, we would believe Piers had one hell of a fast speed dialer to make sure the junk rose to the top. Every sympathy act won regardless of how horrible they were and some real talent got sent home.

So what pain did we endure in this next 10 of the final 40 in America?  Think about that, these are among the top 40 acts of of well over 300 million Americans.  It is the best this show could do.

Act 1: Texas State Slutters err Strutters  (2/10)

More bad camera action, having no clue where to place the camera.  All over the place.  My father used to do better with home videos and an 8 mm black and white.

Just like in their first performance, they looked like basic cheerleaders.  Three buzzes this time.  Took the judges one performance more to figure out these gals belong in a strip club not on stage?

Act 2:  Michael Strelo-Smith (6/10)

Fattest singer on the planet.  I am not sure what McDonald’s and Dunkin’ Donuts has to do with singing but these folks can sing.  But they have to be fed, so it may not be worth the compromise with world hunger what it is.

His voice is good, but he chose a tune that didn’t fit him, I am What I am by Gloria Gaynor, and garners two out of three buzzers by the end.  Now, we think he was at least a good singer.  To pass through a no-talent like Jens and then vote this guy out demonstrates there is something stupid going on here.

The judges sucked worse.  Actually, this time Hasselhoff had the only intelligent statement.  Piers and Sharon were dunces.  Not because they didn’t vote for him, but because their advice was wrong, useless and had no merit.   Personally, I don’t think he is worth a million, but compared to last week’s sympathy acts, he looks like a Zoo-Perstar, and wouldn’t even need the inflatable suit!  Whoops.

Act 3: Bruce Block (1/10)

The trick? Cut a horse in half.  Brings on a fake horse with a bunch of midgets.  So instead of cutting a horse in half, he puts it back together.  Box opens and there is a pony inside.  Yippie Kae Yo!!  Piers buzzed him, the audience was kind.  The act was transparent at best.  Next.

Act 4: Shequida (1/10)

U-Tranny Bolt – the fastest XXX on the planet!!  And yet the judges only gave this spastic fool a single X?

Drag Queen doing Opera version of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”.  Horrible.

We have seen more transvestite talent in Provincetown taking a leak in a dirty paper cup.

Act 5: Taubl Family (6/10)

Starts off good with the boys in harmony, singing “Umbrella” by Rihanna.

As the rest of the family joined in, it was harsh.  We are not sure what the instruments were for except for the intro.  They held them nice.  Standing O.  Why? Cuz everyone else absolutely sucked.

Act 6: Jonathan Burkin (7/10)

Juggling act.  Starts with some flaming batons.  Does some awkward flips.  Continues to dance like he should be joining the U-Tranny act cheering for a losing football team.  He dances to Elton John, which seems to exemplify his sexual taste.

With all the fire, he is a tad entertaining, but we are thinking every cheerleader that has ever practiced with a baton is saying, “I could do that”.

He finishes with a double flip after throwing the baton in the air and catches it.  That got the audience really going, but again, it was in comparison to crap, so we don’t know how to judge it.

He didn’t drop any of his batons.  He hit every move.  He looks overly gay, but hey, as Seinfeild said, “There is nothing wrong with that”.  The judges thought it was, as Piers said, “incredible”.  But it really wasn’t.

“You are the best baton twirler in the world!!”, said Hasselhoff.

Act 7: Sarah Lenore (9/10)

Sarah is a singer with a guitar she carries for show, but doesn’t apparently know how to play.  She loses one point automatically for belonging on Idol if she has any real talent.

She sings “I’m not Ready to Make Nice” and has a great voice.  Guitar is a prop, but hey, we have seen that before with better talents than her.  She sounds as good as some Carrie Underwear stuff and she is absolutely hot.  Great smile.  Great Hair.  Great look.  She has it!!

If it wasn’t for the fact she belongs on Idol not here, she would get 10/10.

Act 8: Sickstep (8/10)

Basketball break dancing?  Very well choreographed.  Plays to the talents of each performer.

Great coordination.  Fun.  Loved it.  Standing, jumping O!!

Act 9: Matthew Piazzi (7/10)

Matthew is an impersonator.  He started with a good Schwartzeneger impersonation, followed by a pretty good Jack Nicholson.  Then, a pretty poor Vince Vaughn, and a very good George Clooney.

Then he jumped into a Jerry Lee Lewis song, “Great Balls Of Fire” and lost us a bit, because it wasn’t an impersonation, or at least not a good one.  It was fun, the piano was good.  He tried to do impersonations while singing, but he was losing the ability to impersonate as he sang.  Not sure if it was the tone or he was getting winded.

Standing O though.

Piers, “I think you blew it big time by singing and playing the piano.  Great impersonations.”  We think he should impersonate Piers.

Hasselhoff the only man with brains in this show. Please, it can’t be!!  “I thought you did great”.  We did too.  Just a bit of fade on the piano.  Singing impersonations are very hard.

Act 10: Joseph Hall (8/10)

The girls love him, guys don’t like him.  13 year olds screaming.  That is a good sign.  He used props and got the audience going.

Tons of dancers, etc. with him.  But the voice wasn’t Elvis.  Fun act, but if you are supposed to be an Elvis impersonator, we think you should sound like Elvis.

Jailhouse Rock.  Good for next week.  Standing O!

Sharon thinks he lost his “naughtiness”.  Sharon says she likes them dirty and hopes he comes back dirty.  LOL.

So here are our choices:

1. Sarah Lenore
2. Sickstep
3. Joseph Hall
4. Matthew Piazzi
5. Taubl Family

There are really no sympathy acts this week, so we don’t think the audience will diverge much from our selection.  They are gullible to the sympathy plays, but when there aren’t any, we think they can pick the best talent.

*TGFFF: thank gad for fast forward