Dancing With the Stars Previews Shocking Talents and Has Beens! (Misty May Treanor, Lance Bass, Toni Braxton, Warren Sapp)

We haven’t covered Dancing With The Stars in the past because we thought it really a kind of goofy show.  People who can’t dance but happen to have star status dancing with greats that can dance but somehow missed star quality.

Sounds like a loser mix.  So we skipped it.

But this season looks to bring back some of the stars of the show that have proven they can dance and train others along with an array of relatively interesting stars.  Most of the stars are has beens or newly exposed folk looking to broaden their horizons.  No one comes on this show that doesn’t see it as a stepping stone to something else.  This year is nothing different in that regard.

Good Morning America got first dibs on listing the stars dubbed as the largest cast ever: two Olympic Gold medalists, a Grammy®-winning singer, a television legend, an Oscar® winner, and a Super Bowl champion!

As announced today on Good Morning America, in alphabetical order, the thirteen stars making their ballroom dancing debut on September 22nd 2008 are:

LANCE BASS – Super Gay and Super successful… perhaps a chance to show his masculine side so long as his partner doesn’t lead.  Lance is dancing with SYTYD Top 4 finalist Lacey Schwimmer! That should be interesting to watch!

TONI BRAXTON – Six Grammy’s?  What could this woman be thinking?

BROOKE BURKE – Oh my.  This gal is the hottest thing since, well…heat.  Why she wants to dance with the stars remains to be seen, but we are betting it was one hell of a contract!!

ROCCO DISPIRITO – A chef showing us is it is better to dance than eat?  We doubt he has much dance talent, even if he is Italian.

MAURICE GREENE – Greene won two gold medals, in the 100m sprint and the 4x100m relay at the 2000 Sydney Summer Olympics.  We are guessing he hasn’t had much press since then, so now he needs to dance with a star.  Or was it him that was supposed to be the star?

KIM KARDASHIAN – Kimberly Noel “Kim” Kardashian.  OK, now we are getting somewhere.  Kim is clearly star quality and we don’t know if she can dance, but we honestly don’t care.  Obviously this is a chance at some exposure and we believe the more exposure this woman gets, the higher she goes.

CLORIS LEACHMAN – So yesterday!!

CODY LINLEY – Too young for us to care. Obvious stair stepping attempt.

SUSAN LUCCI – So yesterday!!

MISTY MAY-TREANOR – Now here we have someone interesting.  The Beach Volleyball champion Misty May-Treanor and partner Kerri Walsh captured their second Olympic gold medal at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics and became the first team ever to repeat as back-to-back champs. The victory also marked their 108th straight match win. This white girl can jump, but can she dance?

TED MCGINLEY – Trying to make a comeback from the classic show “Married With Children”, Ted hasn’t done much since.  Time for some more exposure?  It can’t hurt before he gets to retirement age.

JEFFREY ROSS – A stand up comic with a need for exposure.

WARREN SAPP – When you retire from football, what do you do?  Dance with the Stars?  Perhaps Warren can find the hole.

The hosts: Tom Bergeron (America’s Funniest Home Videos) and Samantha Harris (E! Entertainment)

The judges: Len Goodman, Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba.